Dear Dr. Love,
I am 36 years old and been dating a 36 year old guy for 7 years.We truly love each other and he told me he even talked to a couple about great honey moon spots.My question is how long do you wait for the one you love to ask you to marry him? We can’t stand the thought of not seeing each other, but yet if I even hint at talking about things, he says lets not get into that right now. I know he loves me but he also needs a lot of time alone, which I don’t require much of. It is hard to not think about it and talk about it so What DO I DO? Please help out if you can!
Notice that your friend brought up, on his own, the question of good honeymoon spots. So, we know where his mind is ranging. Since he is moving more and more toward commitment, the best thing for you to do is to bite your tongue and not mention the subject. My point is simple. Every time you bring the subject of marriage up, even if you utter only the slightest hint, it sends him back a few steps. So, hang back or you’re going to be past menopause before the guy pops the question.
Instead of nudging him for commitment, actually take on his fears and voice them as if they were his own. Knowing him, you probably can figure out what his fears are (no freedom, no privacy). Whatever you think his fear is, voice it yourself. You might say, ‘I can see why people would hesitate to marry, how can they have enough time for themselves. ' By going along with his resistance and extending upon it (Extension Joining), you will actually help dissolve it. Remember, if you buck the resistance head on, with pressure tactics, the resistance gets stronger. Now, all the while you’re joining his fears, by all means set an end date for yourself, after which you won’t wait anymore, just to keep yourself from going insane or panicking that this waiting will never end.
Dr. Jamie Turndorf ( aka Dr. Love)
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