Is it possible for me to fall back in love with my wife even though I feel nothing for her right now? She has said and done a lot to crush me and I feel numb now. Can those feelings come back?
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The numbness you describe is like a psychological anesthesia, a protection so that you can't be hurt any more. And it sounds like your mind is doing you a big favor since your wife has said and done a lot to crush you. Yes, your love feelings can return, but certain conditions are required.
First, you need to feel safe that you won't be destroyed again if you open up. In order to have this assurance, your wife needs to learn how to express her needs and disappointments about the relationship in a less destructive way. She needs to be very focused, not global in her complaints, and coolly tell you what you are doing (behavioral description) and how that behavior makes her feel.
Then she needs to state what you could do to make her feel better. If you listen and understand, there is less danger of her becoming too enraged and saying horrible things. Women often lose it when they don't feel heard and understood.
So, you can protect yourself by: structuring the discussions; listening well to what she says; and aborting discussions that start to heat up, rescheduling for when things cool down. If you find it difficult to manage these discussions alone, it is O. K. to seek help from a good marriage counsellor.
With hard work you can create a more loving marriage in which you feel safe to love.
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