I am a man in my early twenties who is successful. I cherish the successful relationships I have with friends both at and outside of work. I have always been perceived by others as the 'guy who has it all'. Well, not quite.
I've had a string of unsuccessful relationships with women that has left me pondering the truth about 'lucky in career, unlucky in love'. I must admit, however, that I hold high expectations of people; I'm a go-doer and go-getter, and I expect people to put in the same effort as I do. That works out fine in the workplace, but not in relationships.
The general complaint I have received from women is that I am pushy, that I expect things to be done and problems to be fixed quickly. In turn, they feel 'inadequate' and under pressure to meet my standards, as they put it. Though I never criticize a loved one, I get frustrated by problems that occur repeatedly.
A lot of women I meet seem to have low self esteem. Who has the problem here? They like my confidence, but eventually they feel that we're just on two different levels and hence incompatible. I'm drawn to very feminine qualities. Is it practical to expect a feminine woman who is also confident? Should I act less confident in a relationship?
Sincerely,
Women are telling you that they feel pressured to meet your standards of perfection, and because of this, they end up feeling inadequate.
I want you to know that the women you date are not the only ones who feel pressured for perfection. I think you've got the bug as well.
I don't think you ever received a sense of true acceptance, and so you keep trying to be Mr. Perfect, hoping to finally feel loved. Listen to how you describe yourself. You sound perfect: handsome, high I.Q., well-read, wealthy... Do you really feel so perfect on the inside?
When somebody tries to convince himself and others how perfect he is, this operation often conceals a hidden sense of inadequacy.
What are you doing to make them feel inadequate? You are extending to them the same standards which I think were rammed down your throat by your parents. (These are the very same standards you continue to ram down your own throat.) And, when you lay these expectations on the women you date, low and behold they feel inadequate. You are coming across as impatient, intolerant, and needing to be right. No wonder they run.
Instead of memorizing behavioral tricks, which, I assure you won't solve the problem, I suggest that you become aware of the voice that drives you in your own head. Put a name on it. And, then talk to it by saying, 'Hi mom, hi dad...expecting me to be perfect again.'
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