Is Your Guy Suffering From...

Is Your Guy Suffering From “Husband Withdrawal Syndrome?”

Check out this article in RedBook; http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/why-do-men-shut-down?click=main_sr

Dr Jamie Turndorf ( aka Dr. Love)

Unhappy Hooker

Lately my boyfriend has been into a kinky game. He wants me to dress up like a hooker and pretend that he is one of my clients. This offends me to no end, but he won't stop.

 Please help, Dr. Love.

Answer: 

You both are experiencing a value conflict. He is turned on by the thought of your playing his hooker, meanwhile you find the prospect of doing so offensive. His sexual values aren't any more right than are yours. The problem is that your values clash.

If you give in to him, you will feel offended, and if he tries to deny his desire to role play with you, then he will be annihilating an important part of himself. The problem with value conflicts is that there is no real way to compromise. That would be like asking someone to be a 'little 'Catholic. When couples experience a value clash, all they can do is respect their differences and come up with a plan of attack that embraces both partners 'values.

I have the sense that we are dealing with more than a simple value conflict here. I think that his request has hurt your feelings and made you think that he isn't satisfied with you as a sexual partner. The fact that he isn't being responsive to your feelings, just adds to your feeling unimportant to him. I wonder if you feel sure of his love and commitment to you? If not, then this hooker game may actually be triggering deeper feelings of insecurity about him and the relationship. I think that he may not be communicating how much he cares for you and wants you and only you. If he were able to give you the 'right 'feeling, then I wouldn't be surprised to find that you would feel differently about this game.

Try to work on his learning how to communicate his warm and loving feelings, and make sure to address and resolve all the issues in your relationship that leave you feeling insecure about him. When you feel stronger about him and the relationship, you may find that you feel less threatened or offended by playing the game. I think that you might also feel less offended by his request if you were able to understand what might be motivating his behavior.

Dr Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)

Jealous Junky

I have a big problem. I know that my girlfriend isn't cheating on me but I 'm so jealous if she even looks at another guy. Then I start asking her all kinds of questions. I've even started checking up on her and following her. Things have gotten so bad we 're having nightly scream fights over this. Why can't I shake this jealousy?

Jealous Junky

Answer: 

There are lots of reasons why you might be hanging on to jealousy. To get past this problem you will have to admit to yourself that your jealousy is a smoke screen for fear: What are you afraid of? Getting dumped? Do you find yourself thinking, 'She'll find someone else and leave me?

'If your answer is 'yes' then we need to find out where this fear stems from. Did someone dump you or threaten to dump you when you were a kid? If this is so, it is understandable that you would have the feeling that your girlfriend would want to drop you.

From now on, instead of flying into jealous fits, admit your fear and ask your girlfriend for reassurances that she loves you. This will bring her closer to you. On the contrary, your jealous fits will push her away and make your worst fears come true.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)

How To Handle A Sex Life That’s An Ex Life

In this episode of Ask Dr. Love radio, Dr. Jamie Turndorf shares her 10-Step Recipe for Romance

This week on Ask Dr. Love Radio with Dr. Jamie Turndorf, Dr. Turndorf  discusses the commonly asked question: where’s the beef?

In this week’s show, Dr. Turndorf shows how to bring home the bacon in bed!

Even if a couples’ sex life is more like a wet noodle, her  appetite-whetting, 10 step recipe for romance will put a jumpstart in anyone’s pants!

Tune in to Ask Dr. Love radio and find out now to listen your way back to love!

HOW TO LISTEN LIVE: You can tune in to Internet Radio from anywhere

and call in using any kind of phone, including Skype. Use this link to

go to this show's page and listen live:   http://bit.ly/NLSP5U

ARCHIVED RADIO SHOWS. This show will be recorded and can be found on

BlogTalkRadio.com, AskDrLove.com, and iTunes.

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Facebook page at http://facebook.com/askdrlove, or follow me on

Twitter at: http://twitter.com/askdrlove.

Hosted on TalkZone.com, AskDrLove with Dr. Jamie Turndorf, is a live one hour Internet radio program airing at 1pm (EST) every Tuesday afternoon. Listeners can also call-in to the show and ask Dr. Turndorf for advice on any of their personal issues. Archived shows are available on TalkZone.com, BlogTalkradio.com, AskDrLove.com, and iTunes.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf is a popular relationship expert and couples therapist, author, and radio show host known to millions around the world as the creator of AskDrLove.com, the Web's first free relationship advice site originally launched in 1996. AskDrLove.com now offers thousands of advice articles on every imaginable relationship, marriage, dating advice question. You can follow Dr. Turndorf on Facebook and on Twitter @askdrlove.

Dr. Tundorf's advice and methods will bring greater romance and intimacy into your love life, so be sure to tune in or call in to the Ask Dr Love radio show and get help from one of today's top  relationship experts. As Dr. Turndorf says, “Knowledge Is Your Key To Happy Relationships!”

Untrusting

Dear Dr. Love,

My beau and I have been together for a year and we don’t trust each other. He owns a night club and has girls all over him and seems to think he is doing nothing wrong. I used to work with him but the women began starting rumors about him sleeping around and I couldn’t handle it. He has gone out to dinner with girls from work if I go out of town, thinking maybe I am doing something wrong on him.

I have been faithful to him, and I want to trust each other. I feel like we are going in circles, I feel like we don’t trust each other and it’s tearing me a- part. It makes me feel insecure and as if I ‘m not what he wants. He’s very insecure. I need desperately to know what we can do. He has ex-girlfriends calling him and won’t tell them to stop calling. He lets his ex-fiance call and not say anything to her, no he doesn’t talk to them. I sit at home and go to school. I believe all he says but all the rumors have me doubting him and what he says. I have heard him lie to his friends and say things that he has said to me, when I know that he is. Any advice????

Untrusting. . . . .

Answer: 

You are being mistreated in this relationship. No wonder you don’t trust your boyfriend. This guy is lying to you and flirting with other women right under your nose. And, you say he behaves worse when you go out of town.

Why is he pushing you away? Your friend obviously suffers from fear of abandonment. And, since he is so sure that you will dump him, he makes sure to ‘dump’ you first by dishing out rejecting behaviors. He is emotionally jumping the gun, and attempting to kill you off before you can kill him. I understand that he is afraid. Only one problem. He doesn’t get in touch with these feelings and talk about them. Instead, he acts out and fights against his fears with very relationship destructive behaviors          (flirting, etc. )

What concerns me most is you, not him. In reading your letter, I didn’t get the feeling that you know you are being mistreated. Is it possible that you don’t recognize mistreatment because feeling unsafe in relationships is normal to you. I suspect that something in your formative years has taught you that love is an insecure and untrusting place. But, love should feel safe. And, you should be with a lover who makes you feel like his number one.

There are no quick fixes for your situation. You need to start individual therapy and find out what part of your history you are trying to heal by dating a man like this. Unless this man does the same type of work, I don’t see the possibility for a happy future together. 

Dr Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr Love)

Fridays' Love Quote

Dr. Jamie Turndorf ( aka Dr. Love)

Being Truly Authentic

Join Me Today at 1pm (EST) on Blog Talk Radio!

If you’re most of the world, you hide behind your intellect and speak about thoughts. But when it comes to being truly authentic, are you willing to leap off the ledge of love and speak from your heart?

Many people will answer that question: hell, no!

In truth, being real is really hard. For most of us, the hurt, the humiliations and the teasing we suffered as kids caused us to armor ourselves. While this armor may have protected us when we were young, it certainly isn’t helping us in our adult relationships. Because when we wall off from those close to us, we feel alienated, lonely and disconnected.

The only way to truly feel close and intimate is to speak from the most vulnerable, scared and young that still lives inside all of us.

Many of us find the courage to be real and speak from our hearts when life shakes us up. For example, we may gain the courage to open the door of their hearts as a result of a serious accident or illness. Our hard times are life’s wake-up calls reminding us how short our ride on earth is and urging us to get busy loving or get busy dying.

In this week’s show, I’m going to introduce you to media personality Ann Quasman, host of WomanTalk Live. Ann’s found her voice following a sexual assault.

I don’t want to have to wait for tragedy or disaster to unlock your heart. Tune in to this week’s show and discover how you can leap off the ledge of love and speak from your heart right now. Listen live and discover the secret key that allows you to begin conscious conversations from the heart.

You Can also Listen On Demand.

Dr Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr Love)

Too Much Sex

Dear Dr. Love

HELP! I 'm afraid that my relationship with my boyfriend is taking a wrong turn. I think our relationship is based too much on sex. Don't get me wrong, I love the sex part of our relationship, but it's getting to be too much. We have sex so often it's like the weather channel at our house. My boyfriend is so smart, I can become easily intimidated by him. Sometimes I wonder if he only loves me for our mind shattering orgasms. I mean, we have sex on the stairs, in the hall, on the table, EVERYWHERE!

Shouldn't there be more to our relationship? I don't want to give up the sex, but, I want more from him than his body. (Gorgeous as it may be. ) Too much.

Answer: 

If you feel that there is too much sex, then there's too much sex. What concerns me is your statement about feeling intimidated into having sex. I read between the lines of your letter that you are afraid to be dropped if you dare say 'no.' No wonder that you feel like sex is all there is in this relationship. You must feel his sex toy. How degrading for you.

Why is sex so high on your boyfriend's list? It sounds like this guy is using sex to avoid other types of intimacy, such as emotional sharing. You deserve more out of your relationship. And, in order to get more, you need to define for yourself what 'more 'means. Once you are clear on what you want, clearly tell him what you need. (Avoid this common pitfall: Don't blame him for what he isn't giving you, directly state what you want. ) If he is capable of real intimacy, then he will grow if necessary in order to meet your needs. If he bucks, then we may be dealing with a guy who is too frightened or limited to connect.

In either case, you might try some couples counseling, to see if a third party can help you get your point across and help him overcome his own intimacy blocks. Good luck. I hope that things start looking up (you know what I mean. )

Dr. Jamie Turndorf ( aka Dr Love)

Cat Nap

One of my fans, left the room while reading my new book. When she returned, her cat was reading the book himself! Finally, he feel asleep with a smile on his face, dreaming happy dreams of loving, harmonious relationships with..mice, I imagine!

Check out my book today!

Do you speak from your heart?

If you’re most of the world, you hide behind your intellect and speak about thoughts. But when it comes to being truly authentic, are you willing to leap off the ledge of love and speak from your heart?

Many people will answer that question: hell, no!

In this week’s show ,Tuesday, February 18th, 1pm (EST) on Talk Zone Radio: http://bit.ly/NLSP5U. I’m going to introduce you to media personality Ann Quasman, host of WomanTalk Live. Ann’s found her voice following a sexual assault.

I don’t want to have to wait for tragedy or disaster to unlock your heart. Tune in to this week’s show and discover how you can leap off the ledge of love and speak from your heart right now. Listen live and discover the secret key that allows you to begin conscious conversations from the heart.

If you’re in the US, you can call me toll free at: 1-888-463-6748. If you’re outside the US, dial the US country code, followed by the numbers: 1-847-470-0937 or 1-847-470-1114. 

HOW TO LISTEN LIVE: You can tune in to Internet Radio from anywhere

and call in using any kind of phone, including Skype. Use this link to

go to this show's page and listen live: http://bit.ly/NLSP5U.

ARCHIVED RADIO SHOWS. This show will be recorded and can be found on

BlogTalkRadio.com, AskDrLove.com, and iTunes.

Problems with my older roommate

Hi Dr. Love,

 I'd like to know your opinion on this.  Here is my situation, I live with a woman that is quite a bit older than me(47) but she is my roommate at the moment.  I made a huge mistake a while back, got drunk and we ended up having sex.  Well now the thing is she has this attitude now like she expects sex.  I've tried to explain to her that it was a mistake, but it's almost like it's not registering.  She does things now like grab my crotch and she will get upset if I refuse to be intimate with her.  How can I be diplomatic as a roommate and still get the message through that I'm not attracted to her?

Signed by: 

diplomatic roommate

Answer: 

Wow. You are in a tight spot! Only not the tight spot she has in mind! So you got drunk and had sex with her, and now she’s refusing to hear that you’re not attracted to her. I imagine she figures you’re playing hard to get.

Wow! Her attempts at seduction leave a lot to be desired. She’s treating you like an object, and her approach is very aggressive and disrespectful. Here’s the deal. Since she’s not a subtle person, your attempts at being subtle are going right over her head. I’m afraid that the only way to get through to someone like this is to hit her over the head with a brick. I don’t mean that literally. I mean you’re going to have to be undiplomatic and blunt.

You can try one more attempt at diplomacy, but I don’t think it will reach her. If you want to try, you could say, “I notice that despite my repeated statements telling you that I don’t want to have sex again, you seem to not be hearing me. Is the reason that you keep on grabbing me because you think I’m playing hard to get and that I don’t mean what I say?” See what she says. If she says that she did think you were playing with her, then you can tell her that you are not. You want her to stop grabbing you.

I suspect that you’re going to have to be even more blunt. She’s blunt in the way she’s grabbing your crotch; you will likely need to be equally blunt with your words and say, “You don’t seem to be getting the point. I do not want to have sex with you. I was drunk and didn’t even know who I was having sex with. It was a mistake. I want you to stop coming on to me.”

I'm afraid that the only way you're going to reach her is by being assertive. If she still doesn’t lay off, you need to get another roommate!

Good Luck,

Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)

If you missed the show Tuesday...

Join me Today at 1pm (EST) on Blog Talk Radio OR Listen on Demand!

This week, in honor of Valentine’s Day, I’m going to tell you all about true love--how to recognize it and how to keep it alive using my Five-Step Recipe for Romance.

Whether you’re looking for true love or you love life needs a shot in the arm, you’ve come to the right place!

So tune in to find out how to plump up your passion this Valentine’s Day and beyond.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)

Twitter Contest

#KISSBOOK

@askdrlove

Tweet the #KissBook hashtag and follow the @askdrlove on Twitter to WIN a copy of Dr. Love's brand new book, "Kiss Your Fights Good-bye."

Each tweet with the #KissBook hashtag will give you another chance to WIN!

Please Join Me Tonight

www.blogtalkradio.com/docwade

In Honor of Valentine’s Day

Tuesday, February 11th, 1pm (EST) on Talk Zone Radio: http://bit.ly/NLSP5U

This week, in honor of Valentine’s Day, I’m going to tell you all about true love--how to recognize it and how to keep it alive using my Five-Step Recipe for Romance.

Whether you’re looking for true love or your love life needs a shot in the arm, you’ve come to the right place!

So tune in to find out how to plump up your passion this Valentine’s Day and beyond.

This week, I want to invite you to call into the show and ask me your questions! Toll Free at 1- 888-463-6738

HOW TO LISTEN LIVE: You can tune in to Internet Radio from anywhere

and call in using any kind of phone, including Skype. Use this link to

go to this show's page and listen live:  http://bit.ly/NLSP5U

ARCHIVED RADIO SHOWS. This show will be recorded and can be found on

BlogTalkRadio.com, AskDrLove.com, and iTunes.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf ( aka Dr. Love)

Free First Chapter

Kiss Your Fights Good-bye - Free First Chapter

Exciting news...

Get the first chapter of Kiss Your Fights Good-bye sent to your email.

My new Hay House book Kiss Your Fights Good-bye: Dr. Love's 10 Simple Steps for Cooling Conflict and Rekindling Your Relationship is now available.

Heated fighting triggers a biochemical imbalance in men that causes them to flee from conflict. The technical name for this is the Demand/ Withdraw Negative Escalation Cycle, also known as “husband withdrawal.” This is the number one cause of marital and relationship strife, divorce, and domestic violence. 

Get the First Chapter Free when you Subscribe Now!

True but Sad

Dr. Love,

I was engaged to my girlfriend of two years. People might have thought she was more attached than I was possibly. Not the case however. She ended up leaving me. We have been away from each other for at least 4-5 months. Since then I met a very nice girl which I have been dating for about 1 1/2 months.

I am now finding that I miss my ex dearly, so I broke it off with my current. My ex lives down the street, yet we haven’t even seen each other out. Things ended harshly. We have only a few friends in common, I haven’t said a word about how I still remorse. I need minor advice on how to open the lines of communication, just as friends, to make myself feel better. How would I go about opening communication?

Sad but true

Answer: 

The best way to open lines of communication is to open them. You know where she lives. You know her address. You know her phone number. Choose the mode of communication that suits you best and start talking. Tell her exactly what you told me. That you regret having broken up. That you miss her dearly. That you broke off with the woman you were dating because you can’t see yourself with anyone but her. If this sounds too mushy and you prefer to reestablish a friendship, then, tell her that you miss her friendship and want to be in touch with her again. You could also tell her that you aren’t happy with the way your relationship ended and with the things that were said to each other. Tell her that you are sure that she has feelings leftover that she never told you. Maybe she is hurt or angry by some of the things you said or did. And, tell her that you are open to hearing all about how she feels about how you behaved during the break-up or, for that matter, how you behaved during the relationship.

 Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)

Fridays' Love Quote

“Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold.” 

― Zelda Fitzgerald

Why couples in conflict suck at listening

How to Listen with the Ears of Your Heart

Join me today at 1pm (EST) on Blog Talk Radio! 

Have you ever noticed that couples in conflict suck at listening?

And did you know that on the road to conflict resolution, listening is the superhighway!

In this show, I’m going to reveal why listening is nearly absent in conflicted relationships.

And why so many couples fall into the “deaf pit?”

In a nutshell, here’s how most couples derail...You have a beef. You try to talk to your partner. Your partner doesn’t listen. You get pissed and up the volume, which only makes your partner more deaf.

Now your "discussion" spins totally out of control. No resolution occurs, which leads you to feel terminally ticked off.

Now you’re really stuck. The next time your hot topic comes up, your partner’s dukes are already up, which means you have even less chances of being heard.

And in no time, you have a major vicious cycle on your hands.

But don’t worry. I’m going to show you how to use your ears to steer your relationship out the skids.

It’s easier than you think to learn how to be a good listener. BUT listening doesn’t happen by accident. It’s a skill that needs to be acquired.

So tune in for my listening crash course, and discover how to listen your way to love.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)

If you have miss one of my shows the are available on demand at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ask-dr-love

Do you hear me?

 Do You Hear Me ?!

If this is one of the frequent rants you find yourself yelling at your partner, chances are that it might not be exactly their fault. Here are some methods you can employ to make them more receptive to you.

 Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)

Download the full article

How To Listen With The Ears Of Our Hearts

In this episode of Ask Dr. Love radio, I discusses the power of listening to head off and resolve most relationship conflicts.

This week on Ask Dr. Love Radio I explain the link between relationship fighting and lack of listening skills.

“On the road to conflict resolution, listening is the superhighway!”

It there comes as no surprise that listening is nearly absent in conflicted relationships.

Find out why so many couples fall into the “deaf pit” and how we can use our ears to steer clear of most relationship conflicts.

Tune in to Ask Dr. Love radio and find out now to listen your way back to love!

HOW TO LISTEN LIVE: You can tune in to Internet Radio from anywhere

and call in using any kind of phone, including Skype. Use this link to

go to this show's page and listen live:   http://bit.ly/NLSP5U

Call into the ASk Dr. Love Show at 1pm (EST) 888-463-6748  

ARCHIVED RADIO SHOWS. This show will be recorded and can be found on

BlogTalkRadio.com, AskDrLove.com, and iTunes.

STAY INFORMED!  The best way to keep up with immediate news regarding

radio shows, columns, and special product discounts is to Like my

Facebook page at http://facebook.com/askdrlove, or follow me on

Twitter at: http://twitter.com/askdrlove.

A Desperate Girl

I want to ask you one thing. How can I forget about this boy if I have to see him everyday? We are very very good friends, and many a times the dividing line is quite blur. One day I realize I am in love with him, but it is  to late. I  know that he is secretly in love with another girl.  I encourage him to go further and then he succeed. He dates the girl for 3 months and then they broke up. But I know he cannot forget about her.

But I can't forget about him. We are always together,at school,  at night on phone. One thing you need to know is that, I told him how I feel. He  said that I am his very important friend and that 's it. I told him when he was still dating the other girl. I cannot forget him. I know that it isn't not worth me to waiting for him endlessly. How can I forget him?

A desperate girl

Answer: 

I am sorry to hear that you are suffering from unrequited love. This is one of the most painful experiences in life. I think your pain is all the greater because you are so close to your love and see him every day. I can't help but wonder why you encouraged him to date this other girl. Were you thinking that he would never be your boyfriend anyway, so why not encourage him to date someone else?

It feels like you live with a sense of defeat. . . and that when you encouraged him to date the other girl, I sense that you did so because you felt hopeless to win his love. Then, while he was dating her, you declared your love for him. When he refused you, your sense of defeat heightened.

I wonder where your feeling that you can't ever be loved by the one you love began? Did you feel unloved or unwanted as a kid? If so, your unconscious mind would feel defeated, hopeless and unworthy of love. To heal yourself and your broken heart, please find out where this feeling comes from. Watch how your mind unconsciously may arrange to keep you feeling this way (we all are creatures of habit and will keep ourselves in familiar pain).

Watch how you may drive love away so that you can feel even more hopeless (again familiar pain). If you are ready to break this pattern. Then, I would take an active stand with this guy. I would not act defeated, I would tell him one more time that you are interested in being his girlfriend. If he says again that it won't work, ask him why he is so sure, and make him explain his doubts. If he seems too firm to budge, then I would stop putting so much energy into a relationship that makes you feel so heartbroken and defeated.

I spend more time with other people, including other guys. Hanging around exclusively with someone that isn't interested in you will only make you more desperate and defeated, and it will also strengthen this feeling inside you that you can't have the love you desire. Your self-esteem will drop lower, you will feel more depressed and undeserving, and your chances of receiving another love down the road will be diminished.

So, be active and, if you don't get the response you wish, then put more energy into other, more fulfilling friendships and relationships. No one is supposed to be in a relationship that feels emotionally depriving and diminishing to the self. Your love should be returned with equal enthusiasm. 

Join me today at 11 am (PST) on Hayhouse Radio

Please join me Today!  For a Live call-in show! US and Canada toll free 1-866-254-1579
Outside dial the US country code then 760-918-4300

Kiss Your Fights Good-Bye with Dr. Jamie Turndorf, Ph.D Discover ten simple steps for cooling conflict and rekindling your relationship with Dr. Jamie Turndorf, Ph.D. Known as Dr. Love, Dr. Jamie Turndorf has been transforming conflict into connection for 30 years. Dr. Turndorf talks with Diane Ray about her groundbreaking techniques featured in her book Kiss Your Fights Good-Bye and how you can apply these methods to stop conflicts in all of your relationships.