Lately my boyfriend has been into a kinky game. He wants me to dress up like a hooker and pretend that he is one of my clients. This offends me to no end, but he won't stop.
Please help, Dr. Love.
You both are experiencing a value conflict. He is turned on by the thought of your playing his hooker, meanwhile you find the prospect of doing so offensive. His sexual values aren't any more right than are yours. The problem is that your values clash.
If you give in to him, you will feel offended, and if he tries to deny his desire to role play with you, then he will be annihilating an important part of himself. The problem with value conflicts is that there is no real way to compromise. That would be like asking someone to be a 'little 'Catholic. When couples experience a value clash, all they can do is respect their differences and come up with a plan of attack that embraces both partners 'values.
I have the sense that we are dealing with more than a simple value conflict here. I think that his request has hurt your feelings and made you think that he isn't satisfied with you as a sexual partner. The fact that he isn't being responsive to your feelings, just adds to your feeling unimportant to him. I wonder if you feel sure of his love and commitment to you? If not, then this hooker game may actually be triggering deeper feelings of insecurity about him and the relationship. I think that he may not be communicating how much he cares for you and wants you and only you. If he were able to give you the 'right 'feeling, then I wouldn't be surprised to find that you would feel differently about this game.
Try to work on his learning how to communicate his warm and loving feelings, and make sure to address and resolve all the issues in your relationship that leave you feeling insecure about him. When you feel stronger about him and the relationship, you may find that you feel less threatened or offended by playing the game. I think that you might also feel less offended by his request if you were able to understand what might be motivating his behavior.
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