Insecure With Good Reason

Dear Dr. Love,

I live with my boyfriend. He is in Sales. Which means he is a busy man. He got relocated for work and we both had to move to a state that we were not happy with. Things were fine for a while but each of us carried a lot of stress because of both work and changes in living, money.

It has been a couple of months and he has decided to start staying overnight. (He never did before as OFTEN). He never tells me where he is going what he is doing etc. . . Last Night he left for the night (on business) well number 1: he calls at midnight. number 2: I try to page him right after we hang up and he doesn't call back. number 3: I wake up in the morning and try it again. . . . . . . . no response. Now, he always has his pager on him. And don't you think he should tell me what hotel etc. . . ???? I mean what if I was in trouble.

I guess what I 'm worried about is: is he cheating on me??? Please help me it's effecting me day & day. Am I being insecure??? He comes home tonight: what should I do?? I really love this man. Thanks.

Answer: 

You have every reason to worry. Your boyfriend's behavior is suspicious. You need to ask him straight out if he is seeing other women. And, if he says, 'no, 'I wouldn't be so quick to believe him since you suspect that he lies.

Next, you need to find out why you are drawn to a lover who leaves you feeling this insecure. I suspect that in your early life, a mom or a dad abandoned you or you watched one of your parents being abandoned over and over. In either case, you got the message that being in love means trembling in fear of abandonment. It feels to me like some unfinished business is playing out here. You need to find out what this is. Unless you do, this boyfriend will always leave you standing by the phone.

And, if you end this relationship, you will find another boyfriend who leaves you feeling just as insecure. So, for your own sake, figure out what part of your childhood is being replayed here. When you figure it out, let me know and we can move to the next step in your healing. Keep in touch with me and let me know what you have discovered.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf(aka Dr. Love)