I have a pretty serious problem, and am not really sure where to go with it. I've been married for 2 years, and not really sure I've done the right thing. I am feeling so unfulfilled (in general, but sexually also), but it's not because he doesn't try. He's actually a great guy, and a good husband. There's not much fighting, and certainly no abuse. I just all of a sudden feel like there are so many things I want to do - and can't.
I know marriage isn't all roses, but I don't know how much I am supposed to be feeling like this. I am considered attractive by others, and sometimes feel that I'd like to act on some of the opportunities that present themselves to me. I am driving myself nuts trying to figure this out. I feel really selfish, and I know that most people would offer ways for me to make the marriage better. I tend to not really want that kind of advice. Please help if you can. Any attempt would be greatly appreciated. I'm so confused and frustrated.
PS He knows nothing about my feeling this way.
Every married person, who is honest, has periods in which he or she feels restless, bored, and even dreams of taking a lover. Such feelings are not selfish or wrong. But, here's the catch...Acting on the opportunities that present themselves to you is the wrong way to go. Especially if you want to keep the marriage. It sounds like you don't want to explore what is missing in your marriage. Likewise, you don't seem interested in finding out how you could bring more excitement and variety into your relationship. I have the impression that you are gearing up to cheat on your mate, and this is why I think you feel guilty and selfish. I am not saying that you should deny your desires. But, I am saying that it would not be proper for you to act on your desires. You must honor your feelings and at the same time behave honorably toward your mate. How can this be done. You have to stop hiding your feelings from him. Come clean and work on this relationship or get out. Staying in the relationship and cheating behind his back is not a decent thing to do to him, and sooner or later, you will feel awful about yourself for doing it. When you say that you don't want to hear advice on how to mend the marriage, I think you are saying that you would rather gratify your desires to explore outside the marriage, which you see as pure fun, instead of face the issues in the marriage, which is pure work. Realize that going after the pure fun will cause you more pain and work down the road than simply facing the music and working things out with your hubby. At this point you must decide whether you see enough positives in your husband and your marriage to warrant your doing the work necessary to bring the relationship back to life. If you can't find enough reason to want to work for this relationship, then have the decency to be honest with your husband and leave the relationship with him before seeing other men.
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