Taming the Green-Eyed Monster of Jealousy

Do you often find yourself feeling jealous of your partner, even though you know deep down that your suspicions are probably irrational and unfounded?

Or...

Is your partner accusing you of “whoreacious” actions when your slate is squeaky clean?

In other words, are you or your partner jealousy junkies? And is jealousy holding your relationship hostage?

Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that you value, particularly a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust.

Just so you know, people don’t express jealousy through a single emotion or single behavior and instead express it through diverse emotions and behaviors. Some say romantic jealousy is a complex of thoughts, feelings, and actions that follow threats to self-esteem and/or threats to the existence or quality of the relationship, when those threats are generated by the perception of a real or potential attraction, emotional involvement or love between your partner and a rival—real or imagined.

So jealousy can be boiled down to any negative reaction that occurs as the result of a partner's extradyadic (this means outside the dyad—which is the fancy term for a couple) relationship that is real, imagined, or considered likely to occur.

In the case of sexual jealousy, this threat emanates from knowing or suspecting that one's partner has had (or desires to have) sexual activity with a third party.

Jealousy is also thought to be a protective reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship, caused by the partner's involvement with an activity and/or another person that is contrary to the jealous person's definition of their relationship.

It is also known that jealousy is triggered by the threat of separation from, or loss of, a romantic partner, when that threat is attributed to the possibility of the partner's romantic interest in another person.

At this point, I bet you’re reading to hear how to cure jealousy.

The cure comes to do healing the root cause, which is lack of self-love. If you love yourself for the unique person you are, then feeling threatened by imaginary rivals diminishes. And when you are no longer in competition with other women or men, you will become less vulnerable to feelings of jealousy.  Relationships mirror how you feel inside. If you feel irreplaceable in your relationship, you become irreplaceable, and then jealousy disappears. What I’m talking about is what I call raising your Personal Net Worth. This consists of becoming a loving and affirming parent to yourself, tending to your physical, emotional and spiritual needs, and surrounding yourself with loving and supportive people.

The ultimate way to prevent and/or cure jealousy is to feel that you are a unique and irreplaceable person.

And, paradoxically, the more you have the courage to expose who you truly are on the inside—the more authentic you allow yourself to be—the more you will be revealing just how unique and irreplaceable you are, which will help you transcend any actual threat of being replaced by potential rivals.

For a full explanation of how to cure yourself of jealousy by raising your Personal Net Worth, read my book Make Up Don’t Break Up.

To understand fully what Old Scars are, how they are formed, how they affect your relationships, and how to heal them, read my book Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First): A Step-By-Step Guide For Resolving Relationship Conflict.

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