Dear Dr. Love,
I have a huge problem. I am a 16 year old high school student who has never had a girlfriend. I am definitely, without a doubt not gay. I know that for a fact. I have never kissed a girl, much less felt one.
What is wrong? I NEED YOUR HELP. . . BIG TIME!!! Is there something wrong with me? What should I do, I am very shy!!!!
Answer:
What is wrong here is shyness. Until we get past this, you won't have the nerve to ask a girl out, let alone kiss or 'feel 'one. I think that beneath the shyness, lies a fear of rejection. Do you find yourself thinking: 'I could never ask her out. She 'd say no. . . or she 'd laugh in my face.' If your answer is 'yes, 'then we know for sure that fear of rejection is behind your shyness.
How can you overcome fear of rejection? First, visualize asking a girl out and imagine her saying no. Feel all the feelings of embarrassment, humiliation, etc. Doing this will help you see that as bad as these feelings are, you will survive them. Once you practice surviving these imaginary emotional blows, you will feel less frightened to take chances with girls in real life. When you do start asking girls out, don't begin with the ones you have a high romantic interest in, start by asking out girls that are friends. It is good to break the ice when the stakes are less high. Keep in mind that behind fear of rejection often lies low self-esteem.
Do you find yourself thinking that you are not as good as the next guy? If your answer is 'yes,' then we also know that you don't like yourself as much as you should. To build your self-esteem, make a list of all your good points. Keep repeating them to yourself every day. I guarantee you that you have qualities that surpass most of the guys around you. It's time to get a bit conceited. If you don't blow your own horn, you will always blow it with girls.
So, face the fear of rejection and build your self-esteem. Remember that dating is like learning how to ride a bike. It's scary and you have to be willing to fall on your face. Even older men admit to fearing rejection. But, they face their fear and ask women out all the same. So, don't forget, your feelings of fear are normal. Your trouble stems from the fact that you are acting on the fear, and remaining frozen in the water. So, take the plunge and find out what I already know about you: lots of girls are going to
be interested in dating you. Follow my advice, and let me know how you 'make out.' No pun intended.
Dr Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)
