Never Had a Girlfriend

Dear Dr. Love,

I have a huge problem. I am a 16 year old high school student who has never had a girlfriend. I am definitely, without a doubt not gay. I know that for a fact. I have never kissed a girl, much less felt one.

What is wrong? I NEED YOUR HELP. . . BIG TIME!!! Is there something wrong with me? What should I do, I am very shy!!!! 

Answer: 

What is wrong here is shyness. Until we get past this, you won't have the nerve to ask a girl out, let alone kiss or 'feel 'one. I think that beneath the shyness, lies a fear of rejection. Do you find yourself thinking: 'I could never ask her out. She 'd say no. . . or she 'd laugh in my face.' If your answer is 'yes, 'then we know for sure that fear of rejection is behind your shyness.

How can you overcome fear of rejection? First, visualize asking a girl out and imagine her saying no. Feel all the feelings of embarrassment, humiliation, etc. Doing this will help you see that as bad as these feelings are, you will survive them. Once you practice surviving these imaginary emotional blows, you will feel less frightened to take chances with girls in real life. When you do start asking girls out, don't begin with the ones you have a high romantic interest in, start by asking out girls that are friends. It is good to break the ice when the stakes are less high. Keep in mind that behind fear of rejection often lies low self-esteem.

Do you find yourself thinking that you are not as good as the next guy? If your answer is 'yes,' then we also know that you don't like yourself as much as you should. To build your self-esteem, make a list of all your good points. Keep repeating them to yourself every day. I guarantee you that you have qualities that surpass most of the guys around you. It's time to get a bit conceited. If you don't blow your own horn, you will always blow it with girls.

So, face the fear of rejection and build your self-esteem. Remember that dating is like learning how to ride a bike. It's scary and you have to be willing to fall on your face. Even older men admit to fearing rejection. But, they face their fear and ask women out all the same. So, don't forget, your feelings of fear are normal. Your trouble stems from the fact that you are acting on the fear, and remaining frozen in the water. So, take the plunge and find out what I already know about you: lots of girls are going to 

be interested in dating you. Follow my advice, and let me know how you 'make out.' No pun intended.

Dr Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)

What is Too Young?

I am romantically involved with a much younger woman.

She does not seem to worry about our age difference, but I do. Every thing else being equal, at what point should a couple be really concerned? 20 years difference? 30 years? 40 years? 50 years? Any advice??

Signed by: 

I'm worried

Answer: 

Your question reminds me of a bit that I heard on Car Talk.

A man calls in and asks about his girlfriend's car. He then says, 'I'm really not calling about the car. I'm calling to say that my girlfriend is quite a bit younger than I am and I wanted to ask you if you think I should continue seeing her'. One of the Car Talk hosts asks how much younger she is. He says 30 years. The other host says, 'an age difference like that can be fatal', to which the other host replies, 'If she dies, she dies.' But seriously folks. . . .

You need to keep in mind that the things we worry about rarely come to pass. The disasters we brace for that never come. Because, as I've seen, fate always seems to serve a curve ball that we never saw coming. . . . So why live in the future. Why brace for imaginary disasters. You could end up getting hit by a bus tomorrow! So don't focus on rules.

Couples can be miserable and incompatible even though they are the same age, and couples with a great age difference can be very compatible and happy together. What matters is whether you love each other and whether you enjoy your life together. If you do, then why not treasure the gift and enjoy it for as long as you live.

This being said, I also think you need to flesh out what frightens you about the age difference. Are you afraid that you won't be able to hold her as you grow older? Are you worried that you won't be able to satisfy her sexually as you age? Are you fearful that she'll drop you later in life?

It's vital that you figure out the origin of your fear. When you do, you will then be in a position to resolve the real issue that troubles you. As your self-reflection will soon reveal, your concern over the age difference is a smokescreen for a deeper fear. We need to identify that fear and work it through. Then you will feel free to move forward with her and enjoy your life together

I Need Her Love

Dear Dr. Love,

I have been dating my girlfriend for six months now. We have known each other for about four years. We tried having a relationship last summer that only lasted two months. Now that we've been together for six months I feel that our relationship has not grown emotionally, spiritually or physically. I feel like we are still just friends. We are not very intimate with each other. We do not hold, hug or touch each other very often.

With this in mind I think you know that the most intimate thing a couple could do has not happened. I 'm okay with that though. It is the little signs of affection that I yearn for. She tells me that she is not used to showing affection. At one point she felt uncomfortable spending the night at my house. I think that has changed. While in bed, we do not hold each other. I guess I should give you this information before I go any further. I am 27 and she is 20.

I have had relationships where affection and intimacy were abundant. On the other hand, she has not had many relationships to that degree. I have no problems with being patient. But I feel that our relationship is not heading in the right direction. I have told her that I love her, but the past couple of days I find myself daydreaming about being with someone who will give me the affection that I need.

Another thing that I feel hinders our relationship is our difference in attitude. I am a very optimistic person. When things are bad, I always try to look at the bright side, or bring something positive out of the issue. She has a defeated attitude, and she doubts herself more than she realizes. Whenever I try to lift her spirits, she does not accept it. I know I love her but, I am so afraid that my feelings are going to change for her. Please help me salvage my relationship.

Signed, 'I Need Her Love '

Answer: 

To read my response please visit  http://askdrlove.com/content/i-need-her-love

Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)

Fear and Love

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”

― John Lennon

Great Quote and something for all of us to think about from time to time.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)

Help

Dr. Love,

My girlfriend broke up with me over a year and half but now our break up was really bad.  I blame my self for some of the problems we had before she broke up with me. But now after one and half years I tried contacting her by calling and she refused to answer.  Instead she sms me, asking if I miss her or do I wanted to play with her. I replied and said I do miss her, but I am not playing with her. She said she will never forgive or forget what I did to her. She was using words like this ( you fucked me up, you should fuck of, don't miss me and don't call me). What should I do, I want to make things right and for her to forgive me for what I did to her.

Signed by: 

Confused

Answer: 

Wow. What impresses me about your question is your determination to make things right for her. This tells me what a good person you are. You truly deserve a chance to put things right.

The problem is this girl is really furious with you. I always say that anger is never the primary emotion. Anger conceals the more vulnerable emotions such as fear, hurt, sadness.

At first I had thought that she asked if you miss her because a part of her was hoping that you actually do miss her. But then the way she blasted you when you admitted to missing her, made me wonder if she only asked the question in order to bait you--to set you up for a beating.

When she beat you, she made reference to your having played with her. I’m assuming you know what she means.

If you want to make this right, then you need to take responsibility for what you did to her. To do this you would say: I know how much I wronged you by doing (fill in what you did). You can’t believe how much I want to make this right for you. I’m not asking you to forgive me or trust me. I just want the chance to be able to talk with you and have you tell me everything that I did wrong. Even though I can’t take back what I did, the least I can do is listen and hopefully help you heal from the pain I gave you. And I know you don’t owe me anything, but I would appreciate your feedback which will actually help me become a better person.  

When you do this you have to be entirely genuine. The words have to come from your heart. If she senses that you’re only trying to worm your way back into a relationship with her, your communication will backfire.

If you are persistent and don’t give up, there’s a good chance that it will pay off. She will see that you are truly devoted and not out to play her.

If she doesn’t accept your offer, there’s nothing more you can do except learn from your mistakes and never play another woman again.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)

Helplessly in Love with a Co-Worker

Dear Dr. Love,

I am a 25 year old single female (now 5 months free from a relationship) and have been utterly IN LOVE with a male co-worker of mine for almost a year. We are both teachers. We are both single and 1 year apart. I tried to forget about him over the summer but it didn't work. All I ever think about is him. Everything about us seem to match up perfectly except for the fact that he has no idea of my feelings for him and I could never come out and admit them; most of the time when we speak we look away from each other and I start to babble or stutter or fall or something just as clumsy.

All of our other co-workers and even students have said that we would make the 'perfect' couple. I don't know what to do. Could my dream to be with him ever become a reality? . Please Help me.

Signed, 

Helplessly in love with a co-worker

Answer: 

I am wondering why you tried to forget about this man who sounds just right for you. Were you afraid that he would never like you, and, so, you tried to convince yourself to forget him. Your confidence doesn't seem as a high as it deserves to be. You don't seem to realize how attractive and desirable you are. How do I know? It's pretty obvious to that your dream lover likes you too. (You said that he looks away from you when you talk with each other. You are so caught up with your own feelings that you didn't realize that he has a crush on you. In fact, he is shy like you are and afraid to be turned down by you! He hides his face because he is afraid that you will read his attraction for you and reject him!)

So, what we have are two shy people who are terrified to be rejected. I know you said that you could never admit your interest. Why not? What's the worst that could happen? That he would tell you that he just wants to be friends (I highly doubt it. ) But, even if he did say that he wasn't interested in more, you won't die, I promise you that. You might feel embarrassed, but you won't die. 

You might also try solo rehearsals. Imagine yourself telling him that you are interested in deepening the relationship and imagine him refusing. If you practice in this way, the feeling of terror should weaken after several 'Dr. runs. ' Then, you should be more able to take a chance. Remember, the sayings: 'The only people who fail are those who don't try. . . And, nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

If after all the above steps, you still feel too afraid to face him, you could send him a note telling him how you feel. Promise me that you will do something. 

Dr. Jamie Turdorf ( aka Dr. Love)

Follow me on Facebook!

Paula Deen is Suffering From the Worldwide Epidemic of Foot IN Mouth Disease! Are You Too?

Have you ever felt like your tongue is your own worst enemy?

Well, you’re not alone.

By now you’ve certainly heard about Paula Deen’s recent “Open Mouth, Insert Foot” incident.

Our world, our relationships and our lives are crumbling under the weight of a worldwide epidemic of verbal bashing. As a worldwide community, we all need to learn how to speak in kinder and gentler ways.

In this week's show, I’m going to share my 5-step method for training yourself to keep a civil tongue in your mouth, even when you’re spitting mad.

Tune in to hear my proven 5-step technique for controlling your temper and your tongue.  (more)

http://www.freepressindex.com/paula-deen-is-suffering-from-emotional-foot-in-mouth-disease-ending-the-worldwide-epidemic-of-verbal-bashing-463768.html

Like my Facebook page 

Follow me on Twitter

Stepping into the Mouth of the Lion: Embracing Your Fear

In this Ask Dr. Love radio show, Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love) with guest Akshay Nanavati discuss the causes of fear and how this powerful force can be used to transform our lives and relationships

http://www.freepressindex.com/stepping-into-the-mouth-of-the-lion-and-how-to-overcome-fear-452479.html

Stepping into the Mouth of the Lion: Embracing Your Fear

Are fear, anxiety, or panic attacks slowing you down in life? In this Ask Dr. Love radio show, Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love) with guest Akshay Nanavati discuss the causes of fear and how this powerful force can be used to transform our lives and relationships

http://www.free-press-release.com/news-stepping-into-the-mouth-of-the-lion-how-to-overcome-fear-1369099165.html

Stepping Into The Mouth Of The Lion: How To Overcome Fear

Are fear, anxiety, or panic attacks slowing you down in life? In this Ask Dr. Love radio show, Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love) with guest Akshay Nanavati discuss the causes of fear and how this powerful force can be used to transform our lives and relationships.

http://www.i-newswire.com/stepping-into-the-mouth-of-the/223183

Are fear, anxiety, or panic attacks slowing you down in life?

In this Ask Dr. Love radio show "Stepping into the Mouth of the Lion: Embracing Your Fear." Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love) with guest Akshay Nanavati discuss the causes of fear and how this powerful force can be used to transform our lives and relationships.

http://askdrlove.com/radio-shows/panic-attacks-embracing-your-fear

Stepping Into The Mouth Of The Lion: How To Overcome Fear

Are fear, anxiety, or panic attacks slowing you down in life? In this Ask Dr. Love radio show, Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love) with guest Akshay Nanavati discuss the causes of fear and how this powerful force can be used to transform our lives and relationships.

http://pressdoc.com/p/000zxs

Wondering If I'll be Happy with Him Forever

Relationship expert Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love) helps a young woman who is pregnant and not sure if the father of her child is the right partner for her. The fact that she has always been afraid of commitment complicates the issue. AskDrLove.com is the Web's premier free relationship advice site since 1996. Search thousands of relationship, marriage, dating, and sex advice articles and videos on every imaginable problem, or Ask Dr. Love your own question!

http://askdrlove.com/content/wondering-if-youll-be-happy-him-forever

Getting Cold Feet

Relationship expert Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love) works with a young woman who describes her fiance as a wonderful man and perfect partner. For this reason, she cannot understand why, as soon as they became engaged, she began worrying about whether they will last, and even started thinking about a former boyfriend. Find out why “futurizing” or worrying about the future, rather than savoring the now, is causing her misery in life and love. AskDrLove.com is the Web's premier free relationship advice site since 1996. Search thousands of relationship, marriage, dating, and sex advice articles and videos on every imaginable problem, or Ask Dr. Love your own question!

http://askdrlove.com/content/getting-cold-feet

Relationship Scrooge

Relationship expert Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love) I works with a young man who has been burned by love and wants to know how he can make sure that he never gets into another relationship again! AskDrLove.com is the Web's premier free relationship advice site since 1996. Search thousands of relationship, marriage, dating, and sex advice articles and videos on every imaginable problem, or Ask Dr. Love your own question!

http://askdrlove.com/content/choosing-be-alone

Lady Who is Married to the 'Jiffy Lube' Man

Relationship expert Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love) helps a woman whose hubby expects her to lube up in a jiffy. Meanwhile, she needs more time to become aroused. As a result, their sex life has been brought to its knees! AskDrLove.com is the Web's premier free relationship advice site since 1996. Search thousands of relationship, marriage, dating, and sex advice articles and videos on every imaginable problem, or Ask Dr. Love your own question!

http://askdrlove.com/content/lady-who-married-jiffy-lube-man

Relationship Scrooge

Relationship expert Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love) I works with a young man who has been burned by love and wants to know how he can make sure that he never gets into another relationship again! AskDrLove.com is the Web's premier free relationship advice site since 1996. Search thousands of relationship, marriage, dating, and sex advice articles and videos on every imaginable problem, or Ask Dr. Love your own question!

http://askdrlove.com/content/choosing-be-alone

Wounded Man

Dr. Jamie Turndorf assists a woman who is in love with a man who refuses her sex and commitment as a way of sabotaging their relationship. He clearly suffers from fear of intimacy and commitment issues. AskDrLove.com is the Web's premier love advice site since 1996. Search thousands of free dating, relationship, and sex advice articles -- or ask Dr. Love your own question!

http://askdrlove.com/drlove-advice/wounded-man

Wounded Man

Dr. Jamie Turndorf assists a woman who is in love with a man who refuses her sex and commitment as a way of sabotaging their relationship. He clearly suffers from fear of intimacy and commitment issues. AskDrLove.com is the Web's premier love advice site since 1996. Search thousands of free dating, relationship, and sex advice articles -- or ask Dr. Love your own question!

http://askdrlove.com/drlove-advice/wounded-man

Break Up

Dr. Jamie Turndorf works with a woman who just broke up with her boyfriend, whom she loves, because she’s afraid her parents won’t like him. She, herself, is also worried that their different levels of education and the fact that he’s jobless could be deal breakers for her. Despite their being in love and speaking the same Love Language, can does their love stand a chance?

http://askdrlove.com/drlove-advice/what-to-do-about-break-up