What Is Love?

You love chocolate…

and busty blonds or bulging muscles…

cute furry animals…

your brother or sister…

your mom and dad…

your lover or spouse…

How can the same word have such different meanings?

Scientists tell us that passionate/romantic love is nothing more than a chemical cocktail that combines nerve growth factor, testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, and vasopressin.

I say this chemical cocktail is truly an elixir of the Gods for this love potion works divine magic on humanity, literally modifying our character, making us more flexible, kind, thoughtful, considerate, creative, generous, receptive and responsive to our beloveds. Love is truly medicine that fortifies our soul’s true purpose on earth: To perfect our ability to love others.

People think of love as a feeling. I say that love is an action. In order for love to survive and thrive, you must actively appreciate the goodness in each other each and every day of your lives.

But that is easier said than done. Because no matter how similar two people are conflict inevitably erupts in all intimate relationships. It is how you handle your conflicts and the negative feelings that go with it that will determine whether your love makes old bones or sadly ends up in the bone yard.

As humans, we must eternally strive to keep overcoming and surpassing the hurdles that life throws in the path of love. Each day we must work to keep love alive in our hearts, treating the gift of each day as yet another chance to perfect our ability to love more perfectly.

For more information on my article; What Is Love please visit http://www.askdrlove.com/top-relationship-questions/what-is-love

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Is Your Partner Ready For Love? Or Does Your Frog Have Too Many Warts?

Nobody is perfect. We all have character flaws. But if you’re reading this, you're probably experiencing relationship problems of some kind and wondering if it's possible that your partner is too broken to form a lasting and solid bond with you.

You may be asking yourself if it's possible that your frog could shed those warts and grow into a prince or princess, or are those warts permanent? And is there any way to tell? I've created a test that will enable you to determine your partner’s “Relationship Readiness” so you can find out once and for all if your partner has Old Scars from childhood or any other kind of fatal relationship flaw that means you should throw in the glove!  

Usually, there are two signs that your relationship isn’t working: you’re fighting like felines and canines OR you feel that you’re drifting apart. Whatever, the situation may be, you know deep down that something is wrong because you aren’t happy with the way your partner is acting and treating you.

The first step to breaking free of this pattern is to remove the blinders, stop pretending that your partner is not covered in warts and see your partner for who he/she really is: a carbon copy of the parent who let you down. The second step to breaking free of this pattern is to vow to choose partners who are NOT covered in emotional warts and are therefore dead wrong for you.

Now that you understand what's going on, it's time to take an honest look at your partner and see whether the person you’re dating, engaged to, living with or married to has the psychological chops to form and or maintain a stable and lasting relationship with you.

To find out for sure if your partner is relationship material or not, sign up for my newsletter and you can instantly download my FREE test called "Is Your Partner Ready For Love? Dr. Love’s 66 Keys For Measuring Your Partner’s Relationship Readiness." Sign up NOW, click here to find out more about what you get with my newsletter. All my mailing lists strictly follow CAN-SPAM laws to ensure that you can unsubscribe at any time and your information is confidential.
  

How Can I Tell If We're Compatible?

Many of the relationship problems people have asked me for advice about over the years have had to do with compatibility issues. Sometimes people don't suspect that their problems are due to incompatibility, while others suspect that incompatibility is to blame when it really isn't.

According to research, there are three main factors that are closely linked to compatibility. The first is Homogamy, or similarity, the second is Relationship Enhancing Communications, and the third is strong Couple Identity.

Let’s start with Homogamy. Research proves that homogamy, or similarity, is a master key that unlocks the mystery of compatibility. The notion of opposites attracting is a common relationship myth when, in fact, couples who are too dissimilar find themselves fighting over every issue big and small. The truth is, the more similar you and your partner are, the more compatible you will be.

Now to turn to the second key factor in determining compatibility: Relationship Enhancing Communications. Even if you aren’t bogged down by Old Scars, and even if you are similar in all the areas that matter most, you and your partner may still be arguing. When couples find themselves trapped in ongoing and intractable fighting cycles, they will naturally question their level of compatibility. While fighting may, indeed, be a sign of incompatibility, it can also be indicative of various communication skills deficits that lead to fighting and not a symptom of incompatibility at all. And, for these couples, when vital communication skills are acquired, they discover that they always were and will continue to be quite compatible.

The third aspect of compatibility is what’s called Couple Identity. This term refers to how strongly a couple sees itself as a “we” instead of each partner remaining an individual “I.” Interestingly, UC Berkeley researcher, Robert Levenson, found that couples who emphasized their “separateness” by using pronouns such as “I,” “me” and “you” were found to be less satisfied in their marriages. This was especially true for older couples. Their use of separateness pronouns was most strongly linked to unhappy marriages, according to the study. To have a happy marriage, being part of a "we" is well worth giving up a bit of "me." Levenson’s research is published in The Journal of Psychology and Aging.

To get your free Are We Compatible? Dr. Love’s 118 Factors for Measuring Compatibility With Your Partner test, all you have to do is subscribe to my weekly newsletter. Sign up NOW using the form in the right hand column on this page, or click here to find out more about what you get with my newsletter. All my mailing lists strictly follow CAN-SPAM laws to ensure that you can unsubscribe at any time and your information is confidential.

Ten Ways for Survivors to Trust and Love Again

1. Recognize the Urge to Recreate Childhood Abuse It is human nature to be drawn to people who replay the abuse we suffered as children. We do this because we hope to recreate the original trauma and work for a happy ending.
2. Identify Your Happy Ending If you were mistreated as a child, you will be left with a craving to recreate your suffering in order to heal it. This recreation is called the repetition compulsion and the first step in the repetition process is to choose a partner who emotionally resembles the parent who let you down. The next step is to struggle to obtain from your chosen partner, the kind of treatment that you wish you had received from your parent. Unfortunately, this process is doomed to fail, precisely because the partners we choose are damaged the way our parents were, and therefore incapable of providing that Happy Ending. So, the only way is to...
3. Choose a Partner Who Is Capable of Providing Your Happy Ending Your happy ending can only occur when you chose a partner who is different from the person(s) who abused you in the past. To avoid recreating the abuse you suffered in the past, and to obtain the happy ending, don't choose abusers in the present.
4. Listen to Your Warning Bells If you are afraid of starting a new relationship or moving deeper into a relationship with someone that you are dating, listen to your warning bells. They may be telling you that your mind is drawing you into a repetition of an earlier abuse.
5. Just Say No Survivors have a hard time setting limits for themselves, hence love feels dangerous. When you know that you are entitled to say no to any form of treatment that feels uncomfortable to you, you will feel safer to love and trust. Don't surrender your power in the hopes that someone else will be kind to you, which puts you in the child seat, and stirs up feelings of helplessness and fear. Know that you can count on yourself for protection. If you take hold of the reins, trusting and loving comes easier.
6. Say What You Need Survivors often do not feel entitled to say what they need and want. Hence, the prospect of trusting and surrendering to love is seen as another opportunity to be walked on by someone else. In order to trust someone else, you must first know that you can count on yourself for protection. As an additional guard against being walked on, verbalize your needs.
7. Don't Stuff Your Anger When you feel angry, make sure to calmly tell the person who upset you what he or she said or did, and how that made you feel.
8. Handle Your Angry Feelings Properly When explaining how you feel, make sure you behave constructively (no screaming, yelling, name-calling, or character insults). The better you express your angry feelings, the less likely you are to receive abuse in return.
9. Choose a Partner Who Welcomes Your Angry Feelings Make sure to choose a partner who accepts all your feelings. If your partner refuses to hear your negative feelings, turns the blame back on you, or tries to make you feel guilty for your feelings, listen to your warning bells and run for the hills.
10. Listen to Your Mate's Angry Feelings If you weren't heard emotionally as a kid, you will not know how to listen to your mate. If your mate feels unheard, his or her temper will flare, and you will be on the receiving end of a lot of anger, which can feel very painful to an abuse survivor. So learn to listen.
11. www.askdrlove.com

On Ask Dr Love radio, More True Love with Bestselling Author Robert Fulghum

In this episode of Ask Dr. Love radio, I  speaks with bestselling author Robert Fulghum about the world’s greatest love stories, what makes love last and why Fulghum decided to offer his latest book to his readers as a free download rather than sell it via traditional publishing channels.

I continue the wonderful on-air discussion that we began last Valentine's Day. In our first encounter, we talked about the remarkable parallels between his true love story and my own. In this show, I will talk about what makes love last and share some more really fine love stories from Fulghum’s True Love collection, each of which typifies true love. I will also talk about my own soon-to-be-published by Hay House memoir, which describes my continuing love story with my deceased husband.  

Tune in for what promises to be a wonderful and love-filled conversation.  

Hosted on TalkZone.com, AskDrLove with Dr. Jamie Turndorf, is a live one hour Internet radio program airing at 1pm (EST) every Tuesday afternoon. Listeners can also call-in to the show and ask Dr. Turndorf for advice on any of their personal issues. Archived shows are available on TalkZone.com, BlogTalkradio.com, AskDrLove.com, and iTunes.

Emotional Foot IN Mouth Disease!

Paula Deen, like millions of people, is suffering from what Dr. Turndorf calls “Emotional Foot IN Mouth Disease!” a worldwide epidemic that’s characterized by speaking without thinking and uttering words that leave behind a wake of damage.

Could you or someone close to you be suffering from the same problem?

To answer this question, ask yourself:

Is my relationship hanging in the balance because of what I or someone else has said in the heat of the moment?

Has my mouth actually caused a relationship to end?

And, if you play back a transcript of what you’ve said, do you want to cringe?   

Tune in to hear Dr. Turndorf’s proven technique for controlling one’s temper and tongue.  

Hosted on TalkZone, AskDrLove with Dr. Jamie Turndorf, is a live one hour Internet radio program airing at 1pm (EST) Tuesday afternoon.

Listeners can also call-in to the show and ask Dr. Turndorf for advice on any of their personal issues.

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Paula Deen is Suffering From the Worldwide Epidemic of Foot IN Mouth Disease! Are You Too?

Have you ever felt like your tongue is your own worst enemy?

Well, you’re not alone.

By now you’ve certainly heard about Paula Deen’s recent “Open Mouth, Insert Foot” incident.

Our world, our relationships and our lives are crumbling under the weight of a worldwide epidemic of verbal bashing. As a worldwide community, we all need to learn how to speak in kinder and gentler ways.

In this week's show, I’m going to share my 5-step method for training yourself to keep a civil tongue in your mouth, even when you’re spitting mad.

Tune in to hear my proven 5-step technique for controlling your temper and your tongue.  (more)

http://www.freepressindex.com/paula-deen-is-suffering-from-emotional-foot-in-mouth-disease-ending-the-worldwide-epidemic-of-verbal-bashing-463768.html

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How Can You Find Mr. or Ms. Right? Ask The Right Questions!

Relationship Expert Dr. Jamie Turndorf reveals her proven methods for verifying that you’ve found your perfect mate. If you want to know how to interview prospective partners--without grilling them like a steak-- then listen to Dr. Jamie Turndorf on her next Ask Dr Love Radio show titled "Critical Questions to Ask Before You Get Close” on Tuesday, June 26th, 2012 at 9pm EST.

http://www.prlog.org/11906213-how-can-you-find-mr-or-ms-right-ask-the-right-questions.html

Love and the Divorced Woman

From The AskDrLove Archives 1996: "I recently began dating a divorced (twice) woman with two kids, one from each marriage. I my self am divorced, but have no kids, I like this girl very much and beleive that a strong relationship could build for us, but I have one hang up and that is the kids, I want kids of my own and like her kids very much. I find this is a road block for me in pushing our relationship farther, can you offer any sugestions? Thanks!"

http://askdrlove.com/content/love-and-divorced-woman

In Love with the Wrong Person

" i really need help. i am falling in love with my best friend`s boyfriend." Couples therapist Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love) answers the question of a woman has fallen in love with her best friend's boyfriend. Search thousands of FREE dating, relationship, and sex advice articles on every imaginable issue, or Ask Dr Love your own question! AskDrLove.com has been Web's premier FREE Relationship Advice site since 1995.

http://askdrlove.com/drlove-advice/love-wrong-person-0

Please Help This is All New to Me

"Hi Dr Love i have big need of your advice! I have gotten myself into a situation regarding love that I didn't expect to happen to me anytime soon. Thing is I myself is open Male Bisexual..." Love expert Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love) answers the question of a bi-sexual man who has fallen in love for the first time and is scared to death. Search thousands of FREE dating, relationship, and sex advice articles on every imaginable issue, or Ask Dr Love your own question! AskDrLove.com has been Web's premier FREE Relationship Advice site since 1995.

http://askdrlove.com/drlove-advice/please-help-all-new-me

Was I Penetrated As a Child

"I’m very sorry that you were violated in this way. I can say with almost 100 percent certainty that you were not penetrated because you said you felt no pain." Couples therapist and relationship exper tDr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love) answers the question of a woman who desperately wants to know if she was penetrated at the age of eight. Search thousands of FREE dating, relationship, and sex advice articles on every imaginable issue, or Ask Dr Love your own question! AskDrLove.com has been Web's premier FREE Relationship Advice site since 1995.

http://askdrlove.com/drlove-advice/were-you-sexually-penetrated-child

Why Am I Urinating When I Orgasm?

Sex therapist Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love) answers the question of a woman who is worried that she is urinating when she orgasms. Search thousands of FREE dating, relationship, and sex advice articles on every imaginable issue, or Ask Dr Love your own question! AskDrLove.com has been Web's premier FREE Relationship Advice site since 1995.

http://askdrlove.com/drlove-advice/am-i-urinating-when-i-orgasm