Fridays' Love Quote

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” 

― Friedrich Nietzsche

Fridays' Love Quote

“I know enough to know that no woman should ever marry a man who hated his mother.” 

― Martha Gellhorn,

How To Handle A Sex Life That’s An Ex Life

In this episode of Ask Dr. Love radio, Dr. Jamie Turndorf shares her 10-Step Recipe for Romance

This week on Ask Dr. Love Radio with Dr. Jamie Turndorf, Dr. Turndorf  discusses the commonly asked question: where’s the beef?

In this week’s show, Dr. Turndorf shows how to bring home the bacon in bed!

Even if a couples’ sex life is more like a wet noodle, her  appetite-whetting, 10 step recipe for romance will put a jumpstart in anyone’s pants!

Tune in to Ask Dr. Love radio and find out now to listen your way back to love!

HOW TO LISTEN LIVE: You can tune in to Internet Radio from anywhere

and call in using any kind of phone, including Skype. Use this link to

go to this show's page and listen live:   http://bit.ly/NLSP5U

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Hosted on TalkZone.com, AskDrLove with Dr. Jamie Turndorf, is a live one hour Internet radio program airing at 1pm (EST) every Tuesday afternoon. Listeners can also call-in to the show and ask Dr. Turndorf for advice on any of their personal issues. Archived shows are available on TalkZone.com, BlogTalkradio.com, AskDrLove.com, and iTunes.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf is a popular relationship expert and couples therapist, author, and radio show host known to millions around the world as the creator of AskDrLove.com, the Web's first free relationship advice site originally launched in 1996. AskDrLove.com now offers thousands of advice articles on every imaginable relationship, marriage, dating advice question. You can follow Dr. Turndorf on Facebook and on Twitter @askdrlove.

Dr. Tundorf's advice and methods will bring greater romance and intimacy into your love life, so be sure to tune in or call in to the Ask Dr Love radio show and get help from one of today's top  relationship experts. As Dr. Turndorf says, “Knowledge Is Your Key To Happy Relationships!”

Fridays' Love Quote

Dr. Jamie Turndorf ( aka Dr. Love)

Being Truly Authentic

Join Me Today at 1pm (EST) on Blog Talk Radio!

If you’re most of the world, you hide behind your intellect and speak about thoughts. But when it comes to being truly authentic, are you willing to leap off the ledge of love and speak from your heart?

Many people will answer that question: hell, no!

In truth, being real is really hard. For most of us, the hurt, the humiliations and the teasing we suffered as kids caused us to armor ourselves. While this armor may have protected us when we were young, it certainly isn’t helping us in our adult relationships. Because when we wall off from those close to us, we feel alienated, lonely and disconnected.

The only way to truly feel close and intimate is to speak from the most vulnerable, scared and young that still lives inside all of us.

Many of us find the courage to be real and speak from our hearts when life shakes us up. For example, we may gain the courage to open the door of their hearts as a result of a serious accident or illness. Our hard times are life’s wake-up calls reminding us how short our ride on earth is and urging us to get busy loving or get busy dying.

In this week’s show, I’m going to introduce you to media personality Ann Quasman, host of WomanTalk Live. Ann’s found her voice following a sexual assault.

I don’t want to have to wait for tragedy or disaster to unlock your heart. Tune in to this week’s show and discover how you can leap off the ledge of love and speak from your heart right now. Listen live and discover the secret key that allows you to begin conscious conversations from the heart.

You Can also Listen On Demand.

Dr Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr Love)

Too Much Sex

Dear Dr. Love

HELP! I 'm afraid that my relationship with my boyfriend is taking a wrong turn. I think our relationship is based too much on sex. Don't get me wrong, I love the sex part of our relationship, but it's getting to be too much. We have sex so often it's like the weather channel at our house. My boyfriend is so smart, I can become easily intimidated by him. Sometimes I wonder if he only loves me for our mind shattering orgasms. I mean, we have sex on the stairs, in the hall, on the table, EVERYWHERE!

Shouldn't there be more to our relationship? I don't want to give up the sex, but, I want more from him than his body. (Gorgeous as it may be. ) Too much.

Answer: 

If you feel that there is too much sex, then there's too much sex. What concerns me is your statement about feeling intimidated into having sex. I read between the lines of your letter that you are afraid to be dropped if you dare say 'no.' No wonder that you feel like sex is all there is in this relationship. You must feel his sex toy. How degrading for you.

Why is sex so high on your boyfriend's list? It sounds like this guy is using sex to avoid other types of intimacy, such as emotional sharing. You deserve more out of your relationship. And, in order to get more, you need to define for yourself what 'more 'means. Once you are clear on what you want, clearly tell him what you need. (Avoid this common pitfall: Don't blame him for what he isn't giving you, directly state what you want. ) If he is capable of real intimacy, then he will grow if necessary in order to meet your needs. If he bucks, then we may be dealing with a guy who is too frightened or limited to connect.

In either case, you might try some couples counseling, to see if a third party can help you get your point across and help him overcome his own intimacy blocks. Good luck. I hope that things start looking up (you know what I mean. )

Dr. Jamie Turndorf ( aka Dr Love)

Twitter Contest

#KISSBOOK

@askdrlove

Tweet the #KissBook hashtag and follow the @askdrlove on Twitter to WIN a copy of Dr. Love's brand new book, "Kiss Your Fights Good-bye."

Each tweet with the #KissBook hashtag will give you another chance to WIN!

Fridays' Love Quote

“Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold.” 

― Zelda Fitzgerald

It's almost the weekend...

A quote to remember ;

" Happiness is a direction, not a place. " ( Sydney J Harris)

Woman Falling For Her Ex Boyfriend's Best Friend

Dear Dr Love,

I am in the middle of a break up with my boyfriend. I have moved on but I'm not sure he has. This would be difficult enough but I have a larger problem. I am very attracted to his best friend. It is more than physical attraction, I'm attracted to who he is. I sense that his friend is attracted to me but afraid to do anything about it. His old girlfriend is now dating his friend so he knows the pain this sort of situation can cause.

How long should I wait before I confront him or should I confront him at all? I don't want to hurt either my old boyfriend or my new love interest. Can this work out at all?

Sincerely, 

Woman falling for her boyfriend's best friend

Answer: 

Yes this can work out. The fact that you are so sensitive to your boyfriend and new love interest's feelings is wonderful. And, because of this sensitivity and caring, you should be able to move forward with the man of your choice, and do so in a sensitive way.

Here's how. You talk to your ex. , and tell him: 'Since we are no longer dating, I was interested in dating your friend so and so. I had the feeling that this might hurt you and I wanted to talk with you about it first. ' You give him an opportunity to share all his feelings, listen and understand. After this is done, then, get on with your life.

In other words, your job is not to take care of your ex. to the exclusion of your own needs. You must take care of and honor yourself first. In handling the matter the way I suggest, you don't simply roll over your ex. , you listen and respect his feelings. . . but at the same time you don't roll over yourself by denying your own desires. As for the new love interest, you can also be direct with him and say, 'I know that you know how painful it is when a best friend dates your former lover. I am interested in getting to know you better. . . would your friendship with so and so (your ex. ) stand in our way?'

 Dealing directly and addressing not running from the feelings is the trick to navigating this emotional minefield.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love )

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How To Be Happy No Matter What

Is  your happiness tied to what goes on around you? I mean, does your mood take a nosedive when life around you isn’t going perfectly, when someone says something hurtful or nasty to you, when you are in conflict with your partner or when you are without a partner?  

Get ready to meet Cindy Teevens who discovered the way to stay happy no matter what goes on around her.

Join me to discover how you can create radical inner peace and happiness no matter what’s going on around you, Tuesday, January 14th,  1pm (EST)   on Talk Zone Radio:  http://bit.ly/NLSP5U

Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)

Wishing you ..

 all the love you desire!

Dr. Jamie Turndorf ( aka Dr. Love)

Doubting

Dear Dr. Love,

My boyfriend and I live together and have for the past 8 mo. I love him and he loves me, although I feel a lot of the support, understanding, caring, involvement is going all one way. . . from me to him.

I've been having some troubles of my own recently and he has made it clear that my well-being is not even near the top of his priority list, when he knows he's always been at the top of mine. . . . no doubt! I have tried confronting the problem and letting him know how I feel (I 'm a very straight and forward person when it comes to talking things out). He says he understands, but it hasn't been any better. . . . I just don't feel like we 're progressing towards anything anymore. . . . like I 'm just 'here '.

Honestly speaking, I feel as if he doesn't care. I don't know what to do anymore. . . . Can you please help!!!

Sincerely,
'Doubting'

Answer: 

You have every reason to doubt. This man is not treating you like his number one. And, what's worse, when you tell him about your feelings, he is unresponsive to you. My big question is this: Was he responsive to you early in the relationship? I have a feeling that he wasn't ever really responsive. And, from the sound of your letter, there has been an imbalance in this relationship for a long time. You've been the giver and he's been the receiver.

Are you interested to know why this imbalance is occurring? Many times we are drawn to partners that don't meet our needs because we were accustomed to not having our needs met by our parents. So, we will choose ungiving partners, like our parents, and hope that we can make them give to us what we never got the first time around. I don't know if this scenario fits for you or not.

One thing is certain, when we are attempting to heal unfinished business, it is extremely hard to break free of the relationship. You know the saying, hopes springs eternal, and because of this hope, we don't want to give up the fantasy that maybe today, he will change and begin to give. I understand the wish, but I 'm afraid that your life will be heartache if he keep trying to get blood from a stone. Only you can decide how long you are willing to bang your head against the wall with this guy. I hope for your sake that it's not forever. You deserve a partner that treat you like number one without your having to fight for it. 

May you have all the Love you desire,

Dr. Jamie Turndorf ( aka Dr. Love )

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Love at First Sight

Dr. Love,

I get attached way to easy. Please tell me why I do this. Even if a guy just smiles at me I start to fantasize about how a relationship would be with him, and then I start to get obsessed. And sometimes I get what I want, but I realize they are not what I fantasized about, and I break up with them and get depressed. Please can you tell my why I do this to myself?

Answer: 

When a person is starving for love, and falls head over heals in an instant, we know that unfinished business is afoot. 

In a nutshell, the unconscious mind tries to heals the wounds of childhood by: 1) choosing partners who are similar to the parent(s) that let us down; 2) recreating the painful scenes of the past; and 3) struggling for a happy ending to the wounds of childhood. So, for example, if a person was abandoned by her father as a child, that person will choose a lover that is an abandoner and she will try to win the abandoner's heart. The fantasy is that, if I can make the abandoner stick around and love me, then the hurt from my childhood will be healed (the happy ending).

All humans desperately crave to heal the wounds that remain from childhood. This craving for a healing of the past causes us to: fall in love too easily, fear being alone, or feel addicted to a relationship that doesn't work. These desperate, hungry feelings are actually signals from the unconscious alerting us to the fact that we have an old wound that needs repair.

Obsessive fantasizing may be another clue that the unconscious mind is trying to heal an old wound. Fantasy is the way that the unconscious mind expresses a deep wish. When you fantasize about the people you fall head over heals for, your unconscious mind is finding another way of telling you that it has a secret wish to heal an old wound.

After you get into a relationship, you wake up from the dream and find out that the person you fell for isn't who you thought he was. That is, this person is too much like the parent(s) that let you down (remember, with a repetition compulsion we choose partners that disappoint us like our parents did).

The way out is to: 1) get to know a person very well before becoming involved; 2) be aware of the craving to choose partners who are damaged in the exact same way your parent(s) were and know that you will never find your happy ending from carbon copies of your parent(s); 3) purposely choose partners who can give you your happy ending.

May you have all the Love you desire,

Dr. Jamie Turndorf ( aka Dr. Love)

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Doomed-to-be-Single

I am a man in my early twenties who is successful. I cherish the successful relationships I have with friends both at and outside of work. I have always been perceived by others as the 'guy who has it all'. Well, not quite.

I've had a string of unsuccessful relationships with women that has left me pondering the truth about 'lucky in career, unlucky in love'. I must admit, however, that I hold high expectations of people; I'm a go-doer and go-getter, and I expect people to put in the same effort as I do. That works out fine in the workplace, but not in relationships.

The general complaint I have received from women is that I am pushy, that I expect things to be done and problems to be fixed quickly. In turn, they feel 'inadequate' and under pressure to meet my standards, as they put it. Though I never criticize a loved one, I get frustrated by problems that occur repeatedly.

A lot of women I meet seem to have low self esteem. Who has the problem here? They like my confidence, but eventually they feel that we're just on two different levels and hence incompatible. I'm drawn to very feminine qualities. Is it practical to expect a feminine woman who is also confident? Should I act less confident in a relationship?

Sincerely,

doomed-to-be-single

Answer: 

Women are telling you that they feel pressured to meet your standards of perfection, and because of this, they end up feeling inadequate.

I want you to know that the women you date are not the only ones who feel pressured for perfection. I think you've got the bug as well.

I don't think you ever received a sense of true acceptance, and so you keep trying to be Mr. Perfect, hoping to finally feel loved. Listen to how you describe yourself. You sound perfect: handsome, high I.Q., well-read, wealthy... Do you really feel so perfect on the inside?

When somebody tries to convince himself and others how perfect he is, this operation often conceals a hidden sense of inadequacy.

What are you doing to make them feel inadequate? You are extending to them the same standards which I think were rammed down your throat by your parents. (These are the very same standards you continue to ram down your own throat.) And, when you lay these expectations on the women you date, low and behold they feel inadequate. You are coming across as impatient, intolerant, and needing to be right. No wonder they run.

Instead of memorizing behavioral tricks, which, I assure you won't solve the problem, I suggest that you become aware of the voice that drives you in your own head. Put a name on it. And, then talk to it by saying, 'Hi mom, hi dad...expecting me to be perfect again.'

To read more on this subject and my other relationship advice, visit www.askdrlove.com

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Join Me Tomorrow at 1pm on Blog Talk Radio

Are you struggling with menopause?

Or is someone you know and love (and sometimes hate!) struggling?

Join me this week for a fascinating discussion with Lynda Wyzda, author of Menopause in Crisis: The Summer I Lost My Mind.

In this week’s show, I will reveal the little known fact that menopause can expose pre-existing psychological fault lines. In fact, it is our unhealed Old Scars from childhood that exacerbate the physical and psychological symptoms associated with menopause.

 I’m going to show you how this suffering can be a springboard to healing oneself body, mind and soul.

In Lynda’s case, buried memories of childhood abuse came crashing to consciousness, causing all kinds of emotional and physical upheaval, including a racing heart, anxiety and panic…

After over four years of struggle, Lynda emerged from the ashes. Her journey back to health led to certifications in Transpersonal Studies/Spiritual Mentoring and Transpersonal Hypnosis, Yoga, and Reiki.

Tune in  at 1pm to find out the best mind/body practices for healing yourself or someone you love.

www.blogtalkradio.com/ask-dr-love

Too many problems. . .

Dear Dr. Love:

I am in a very sticky situation. . . I'm in love with a very insecure, jealous and suspicious man. We've been together for the better part of one year. 

When we got together, he found me 'too independent' and 'to much in control' of the relationship. So I removed 'the pants' and put on a nice, frilly apron-so to speak, and consequently live through the most horrific months in my life. I gave up my own apartment, to move into his tiny, stuffy room. I gave up my car, only to be told when and where I could use his. I gave up my job because there were too many guys asking me out there'  only to be picked on as not contributing to the relationship. He asked me to become more dependent, and then tortured me for doing it.

Now, I have moved back into my own place, I'm working again and saving up for my own car as well as secured transportation to and from work without having to beg to use his car (which he promised he'd give me for selling mine).

He'll call me names and 'break up' with me, only to call me two hours later 'hey baby, whatcha doin?'

I've become numb to his name calling and 'fake breaks (as I call them)' to a degree that it doesn't hurt, shock or surprise me any more.  He doesn't even trust me enough to let me go to the bathroom without saying 'whatcha doin, babe?'

 Now I need my space. I've taken it, and it's time to enforce those boundries. He doesn't like it, but when I say 'lump it' he talks suicide.  I know he needs professional help, but I'm not a professional.  How can I say tough, that's life' with tough love?  How can I get my self respect back, and find some for him?

Signed...

"Too many problems to know which one to write about..."

Answer: 

You sound like one tough survivor. You ask how can you say,'tough that's life', get your self-respect back and find some for him?

It sounds like you are on the road to regaining your self-respect ( saving for a car, and you found a new job and an apartment). So, pat yourself on the back for all your strength and courage. And, keep reminding yourself what a winner you are. Avoiding people that abuse you and repeating to yourself what is wonderful about you, will build your self-respect.

The fact that you find it hard to say,'tough' makes me wonder what part of your psyche doesn't want to give this guy up. It would be good for you to examine what 'hook' this guy has on you.

Whenever we become drawn into abusive relationships, there is an aspect of our early life that is being replayed. Were you abused as a child or did you see your mother or father being abused? In order for you to be comfortable with letting go and saying tough to this abusive guy, you need to understand what your unconscious mind was (is) hoping by staying with an abuser. As a kid, did you hope that an abuser would stop abusing and love you?

When you figure out what type of healing your mind is hoping for, it will be easier to accept that you can't obtain a happy ending from this man--he's too damaged. Realizing this, will help you to walk away and say tough without feeling such conflict and remorse. 

This guy didn't earn your respect and doesn't deserve it. I know it is painful to accept that you can't relive and rewrite history or change your parent(s) into respectable people.

But, keep this thought in mind. You are such a bright fantastic lady, there is a happy ending for you. There is a man out there for you who is ready to love and not abuse you...and this is the man you will be able to respect.

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Mr. Right Where Are You?

Dear Dr. Love

I just can't find Mr. Right. What can I do. I treat them like gold. I think I have a sticker on my forehead that says 'treat her like garbage, she 'll put up with it' I really want to find Mr. Right. I am sick of dating people to find Mr. Right. Maybe I should just give up and let him find me??

Answer: 

It is painful to keep fishing for Mr. Right and turning up duds. You said, 'I treat men like gold, they treat me like garbage because they know I'll take it.' Before you can turn up a good man, you need to figure out why this pattern is occurring.

After you find out where the pattern originated, next, make a big effort to observe yourself every time you allow someone to walk on you. Don't try to force yourself to stop the pattern, you aren't ready just yet. Simply observe yourself whenever you are being walked on and say to yourself. There I go again. Letting someone dump on me. Then, ask yourself, 'who am I acting like.'

In answer to your question, should you wait and let Mr. Right find you. Waiting will not solve the problem we discussed above. Unless you work out this doormat issue, squashers will always find you.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)

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The Secret Reason Why Menopause Makes Many Women Suffer With Guest Author Lynda Wyzda

Are you struggling with menopause?

Or is someone you know and love (and sometimes hate!) struggling?

Join me this week for a fascinating discussion with Lynda Wyzda, author of Menopause in Crisis: The Summer I Lost My Mind.

In this week’s show, I will reveal the little known fact that menopause can expose pre-existing psychological fault lines. In fact, it is our unhealed Old Scars from childhood that exacerbate the physical and psychological symptoms associated with menopause.

In this episode of Ask Dr. Love Radio, I’m going to show you how this suffering can be a springboard to healing oneself body, mind and soul.

In Lynda’s case, buried memories of childhood abuse came crashing to consciousness, causing all kinds of emotional and physical upheaval, including a racing heart, anxiety and panic…

After over four years of struggle, Lynda emerged from the ashes. Her journey back to health led to certifications in Transpersonal Studies/Spiritual Mentoring and Transpersonal Hypnosis, Yoga, and Reiki.

Tune in to find out the best mind/body practices for healing yourself or someone you love.

The Ask Dr. Love Radio Show Airs Tuesday, December 3rd, 1pm EST on Talk Zone Radio.

Love or Lust

Dear Dr. Love,

I misinterpret the signs of love or desire with the signs of sexual gratification and find it difficult to distinguish them apart. Do you have any suggestion of how I can tell them apart?

Love or Lust

Answer: 

Many people confuse sexual attraction with true romantic love. The reason for this is because, romantic love includes feelings of sexual attraction. But, there is much more to true love than simple sexual feelings.

The main way to distinguish true love from simple sexual desire is: TIME. True love lasts more than three or four months, and often lasts indefinitely. True love is based on a long-standing satisfaction with the companionship of the other person. True love includes an attraction to the other person's personality, an attraction which usually lasts indefinitely. True love includes the desire for association, which often remains indefinitely. True love fuels ongoing sexual interest. Frequent contact strengthens your attraction to the other person. Your feelings grow and blossom over time. Your feelings persist.

I hope I have helped clarify the difference between love and lust for you. And, I hope that, after reading my list, you realize that you have found true love.

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