What is He Thinking??

Hey Doc,

First of all thank you for taking the time to read this question. I will try to keep it brief for you.

Ok so I've been in love with my best friend for awhile now. 6 months ago I told him I liked him and he seemed very sorry about it when he told me he liked someone else. That was kind of a surprise for me at the time, but when looking back on it I could see why. The girl was also my friend and I knew to be a good sport and let it be. Unfortunately for him, she didn't like him the same way. Throughout this whole silly triangle thing, he remained my best friend. Sometimes he would act nicer. But I knew it was just because he was a nice guy and he felt bad for rejecting me. He had told people we were close after all. And we are! We talk and see each other often. 

I got tired of waiting for an impossible ask out from him, so I went out with someone else. He asked me so many questions about the guy like who is it? What's he like? Is that your type? When do I get to meet him? 

I know it could just be possible that he was asking as a friend. It seems to me though like he's a little bit possessive of me? Or do you think maybe he's confused about his feelings? 

I did end up breaking up with the guy as I realized I didn't love him as much as my friend.

I don't know what to think. 

Thank you for your time if you answer 

Signed by: 

Confused

Answer: 

You sound like such a sweetie who deserves to find a guy who adores her.

In answer to your question why he asked about the other guy. There are so many possibilities. He could simply be acting like a protective older brother. But the fact that you wonder if he’s confused about how he feels about you, makes me wonder if you may be picking up on a vibe from him.

What do you have to lose by being honest and asking him. The worst he can say is “no” and confirm that he does just feel like a protective brother.

If he is confused, then you might get him talking about what his problem is!

I wish you luck with him. You’re darling and Dr. Love wants you to be loved back with the same amount of fervor. If it’s not him, then it will be someone else. Hold out for the entire emotional enchilada!

Dr. Jamie Turndorf(aka Dr. Love)

A Desperate Girl

I want to ask you one thing. How can I forget about this boy if I have to see him everyday? We are very very good friends, and many a times the dividing line is quite blur. One day I realize I am in love with him, but it is  to late. I  know that he is secretly in love with another girl.  I encourage him to go further and then he succeed. He dates the girl for 3 months and then they broke up. But I know he cannot forget about her.

But I can't forget about him. We are always together,at school,  at night on phone. One thing you need to know is that, I told him how I feel. He  said that I am his very important friend and that 's it. I told him when he was still dating the other girl. I cannot forget him. I know that it isn't not worth me to waiting for him endlessly. How can I forget him?

A desperate girl

Answer: 

I am sorry to hear that you are suffering from unrequited love. This is one of the most painful experiences in life. I think your pain is all the greater because you are so close to your love and see him every day. I can't help but wonder why you encouraged him to date this other girl. Were you thinking that he would never be your boyfriend anyway, so why not encourage him to date someone else?

It feels like you live with a sense of defeat. . . and that when you encouraged him to date the other girl, I sense that you did so because you felt hopeless to win his love. Then, while he was dating her, you declared your love for him. When he refused you, your sense of defeat heightened.

I wonder where your feeling that you can't ever be loved by the one you love began? Did you feel unloved or unwanted as a kid? If so, your unconscious mind would feel defeated, hopeless and unworthy of love. To heal yourself and your broken heart, please find out where this feeling comes from. Watch how your mind unconsciously may arrange to keep you feeling this way (we all are creatures of habit and will keep ourselves in familiar pain).

Watch how you may drive love away so that you can feel even more hopeless (again familiar pain). If you are ready to break this pattern. Then, I would take an active stand with this guy. I would not act defeated, I would tell him one more time that you are interested in being his girlfriend. If he says again that it won't work, ask him why he is so sure, and make him explain his doubts. If he seems too firm to budge, then I would stop putting so much energy into a relationship that makes you feel so heartbroken and defeated.

I spend more time with other people, including other guys. Hanging around exclusively with someone that isn't interested in you will only make you more desperate and defeated, and it will also strengthen this feeling inside you that you can't have the love you desire. Your self-esteem will drop lower, you will feel more depressed and undeserving, and your chances of receiving another love down the road will be diminished.

So, be active and, if you don't get the response you wish, then put more energy into other, more fulfilling friendships and relationships. No one is supposed to be in a relationship that feels emotionally depriving and diminishing to the self. Your love should be returned with equal enthusiasm. 

Woman Falling For Her Ex Boyfriend's Best Friend

Dear Dr Love,

I am in the middle of a break up with my boyfriend. I have moved on but I'm not sure he has. This would be difficult enough but I have a larger problem. I am very attracted to his best friend. It is more than physical attraction, I'm attracted to who he is. I sense that his friend is attracted to me but afraid to do anything about it. His old girlfriend is now dating his friend so he knows the pain this sort of situation can cause.

How long should I wait before I confront him or should I confront him at all? I don't want to hurt either my old boyfriend or my new love interest. Can this work out at all?

Sincerely, 

Woman falling for her boyfriend's best friend

Answer: 

Yes this can work out. The fact that you are so sensitive to your boyfriend and new love interest's feelings is wonderful. And, because of this sensitivity and caring, you should be able to move forward with the man of your choice, and do so in a sensitive way.

Here's how. You talk to your ex. , and tell him: 'Since we are no longer dating, I was interested in dating your friend so and so. I had the feeling that this might hurt you and I wanted to talk with you about it first. ' You give him an opportunity to share all his feelings, listen and understand. After this is done, then, get on with your life.

In other words, your job is not to take care of your ex. to the exclusion of your own needs. You must take care of and honor yourself first. In handling the matter the way I suggest, you don't simply roll over your ex. , you listen and respect his feelings. . . but at the same time you don't roll over yourself by denying your own desires. As for the new love interest, you can also be direct with him and say, 'I know that you know how painful it is when a best friend dates your former lover. I am interested in getting to know you better. . . would your friendship with so and so (your ex. ) stand in our way?'

 Dealing directly and addressing not running from the feelings is the trick to navigating this emotional minefield.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love )

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