What is He Thinking??

Hey Doc,

First of all thank you for taking the time to read this question. I will try to keep it brief for you.

Ok so I've been in love with my best friend for awhile now. 6 months ago I told him I liked him and he seemed very sorry about it when he told me he liked someone else. That was kind of a surprise for me at the time, but when looking back on it I could see why. The girl was also my friend and I knew to be a good sport and let it be. Unfortunately for him, she didn't like him the same way. Throughout this whole silly triangle thing, he remained my best friend. Sometimes he would act nicer. But I knew it was just because he was a nice guy and he felt bad for rejecting me. He had told people we were close after all. And we are! We talk and see each other often. 

I got tired of waiting for an impossible ask out from him, so I went out with someone else. He asked me so many questions about the guy like who is it? What's he like? Is that your type? When do I get to meet him? 

I know it could just be possible that he was asking as a friend. It seems to me though like he's a little bit possessive of me? Or do you think maybe he's confused about his feelings? 

I did end up breaking up with the guy as I realized I didn't love him as much as my friend.

I don't know what to think. 

Thank you for your time if you answer 

Signed by: 

Confused

Answer: 

You sound like such a sweetie who deserves to find a guy who adores her.

In answer to your question why he asked about the other guy. There are so many possibilities. He could simply be acting like a protective older brother. But the fact that you wonder if he’s confused about how he feels about you, makes me wonder if you may be picking up on a vibe from him.

What do you have to lose by being honest and asking him. The worst he can say is “no” and confirm that he does just feel like a protective brother.

If he is confused, then you might get him talking about what his problem is!

I wish you luck with him. You’re darling and Dr. Love wants you to be loved back with the same amount of fervor. If it’s not him, then it will be someone else. Hold out for the entire emotional enchilada!

Dr. Jamie Turndorf(aka Dr. Love)

Jealous Junky

I have a big problem. I know that my girlfriend isn't cheating on me but I 'm so jealous if she even looks at another guy. Then I start asking her all kinds of questions. I've even started checking up on her and following her. Things have gotten so bad we 're having nightly scream fights over this. Why can't I shake this jealousy?

Jealous Junky

Answer: 

There are lots of reasons why you might be hanging on to jealousy. To get past this problem you will have to admit to yourself that your jealousy is a smoke screen for fear: What are you afraid of? Getting dumped? Do you find yourself thinking, 'She'll find someone else and leave me?

'If your answer is 'yes' then we need to find out where this fear stems from. Did someone dump you or threaten to dump you when you were a kid? If this is so, it is understandable that you would have the feeling that your girlfriend would want to drop you.

From now on, instead of flying into jealous fits, admit your fear and ask your girlfriend for reassurances that she loves you. This will bring her closer to you. On the contrary, your jealous fits will push her away and make your worst fears come true.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)

Not Much to Look At

Dear Dr. Love:

I have a boyfriend who works with a very attractive woman. They work very long hours. He treats her very well and at times I find myself becoming overwhelmingly jealous. I am not much to look at and I sometimes wonder if looks are important to him. Should I trust him?

Not Much to Look At

Answer: 

You ask if you should trust your boyfriend. If you are worried about your status in the relationship, you could ask him, 'how are we doing together?' or 'how is our relationship going?' and see what he says. Also, you might privately consider whether he has changed in the way he treats you? Is he looking for excuses not to be with you? Is he suddenly behaving differently?

If your boyfriend seems to be behaving as he always did toward you and he tells you that everything is fine between you both, then we can assume that the issue lies within yourself. So, in order to build up your confidence about the relationship, start by reminding yourself that your boyfriend chose to date you. If he had been married to movie star looks, then he wouldn't have chosen you in the first place. I have often met gorgeous guys who are madly in love with plain looking women. Attraction is much more than skin deep, and a woman who is ugly can actually appear beautiful if she resonates with self-confidence.

It sounds to me as though your self-esteem leaves something to be desired. My goodness, you do put yourself down (I am not much to look at). I have seen absolute dogs who think they are Miss Americas. Do you know what is attractive about you? If you don't know, start making a list. If you need help, ask friends to tell you your attractive points. If you don't soon feel better about yourself, you will be doubting your boyfriend at every turn. (There will always be another pretty colleague that has you worried sick. )

So, work on improving your self-esteem. Every day, remind yourself out loud what is special and wonderful about you. If you don't feel better about yourself in six weeks, contact me again, and we'll go to the next step.

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Jealous Junky

I have a big problem. I know that my girlfriend isn't cheating on me but I 'm so jealous if she even looks at another guy. Then I start asking her all kinds of questions. I've even started checking up on her and following her. Things have gotten so bad we 're having nightly scream fests over this. Why can't I shake this jealousy?

Answer: 

There are lots of reasons why you might be hanging on to jealousy. To get past this problem you will have to admit to yourself that your jealousy is a smoke screen for fear: What are you afraid of? Getting dumped? Do you find yourself thinking, 'She'll find someone else and leave me?

'If your answer is 'yes' then we need to find out where this fear stems from. Did someone dump you or threaten to dump you when you were a kid? If this is so, it is understandable that you would have the feeling that your girlfriend would want to drop you.

From now on, instead of flying into jealous fits, admit your fear and ask your girlfriend for reassurances that she loves you. This will bring her closer to you. On the contrary, your jealous fits will push her away and make your worst fears come true.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)

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