Showing posts with label childhood wounds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label childhood wounds. Show all posts

Monday, March 24, 2014

Why is Mary-Kate Olsen getting hitched to a guy who’s old enough to be her dad?

Ask Dr Love Radio Show

Tuesday, March 25th, 1pm (EST) on Talk Zone Radio: http://bit.ly/NLSP5U

Why is Mary-Kate Olsen, a beautiful, successful and wealthy celebrity, getting hitched to a guy who’s old enough to be her dad?

We all know that millions of women choose older men as life partners and spouses because older guys are often more able to provide financial safety and security.

But Mary-Kate doesn’t need a guy to support her financially.

So what’s her reason?

This week, I gave an exclusive interview in the
National Enquirer Magazine in which I explained the real reason why Mary-Kate is tying the knot with a guy who’s old enough to be her dad. The reason for her choice? Those famous Old Scars that I talk about!
Tune in as I unravel Mary-Kate’s story…

I’ll also be talking about why so many women are going for older guys--and what younger guys can do to make themselves more appealing to younger women!   

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Saturday, March 8, 2014

Why Me?

I am a 19 year old 1st year college girl and I really need your relationship advice. I have like NO luck with guys at all. I am a really great person, I have never had sex, I am waiting for the right guy I guess. I am pretty attractive, I have been told many times.

I get into relationships with guys and I try not to fall for them too fast because I know that they will end up hurting me. They treat me great and I get hooked, once I do, they dump me! I haven't had a 'serious' relationship for more than 3 months. I was however 'seeing' a guy for almost a year. I just don't know what is wrong with me, I treat the guys I am with great. I am a sweet and caring person.
What am I doing wrong!?! I need to know why the guys I date end up to be jerks. Am I a jerk magnet? 
Well, please help! Thank you!

Why Me?


Yes, you do need relationship advice! My first piece of advice is to tell you that all your relationships sound scripted. Like you know the beginning, middle and end before you turn the first page of a relationship. And, because you are sure of the outcome, you avoid getting attached, because you know that you will end up being hurt and rejected, again.

Whenever you find yourself playing out a script, or caught in a repetitive scenario, there is only one reason why this is happening. The mind is replaying some core scene of childhood that hasn't been healed.  

So, you need to find out what childhood trauma is being replayed for you. It sounds like you are reliving an abandonment theme. Someone made you trust him (or her) then rejected you.
To figure out your specific Old Scar, think back to what hurt most when you when you were young. 

After you identify your Old Scar, next we need to figure out what healing you need. Sometimes the replaying of a past wound is the mind's way of exorcising the bad feelings. By reliving the painful feelings of the past, feelings weaken until they are fully worked through.

Mostly, the mind wishes to replay the past in order to achieve the Happy Ending that I talk so often about. Your Happy Ending as a child would have most likely been that parent sticking around rather than walking out. Your Happy Ending now would be finding a boyfriend who sticks around and doesn't reject or abandon you.

It's important that you is to stop replaying the old abandonment theme in real life, where the stakes are higher and each new abandonment adds insult to injury and drives the wound deeper inside you.
I suggest you take a break from dating for now and enter therapy. In good therapy, you will have the opportunity to replay the abandonment feelings and obtain the Happy Ending with a therapist who doesn't leave you.

When you are healed, you will be acutely aware of the people that you choose to date. You will not only be able to read the clues and pick out abandoners. (You already seem to sense from the beginning that the people you are choosing are abandoners.) but you will also be ready to avoid these people.  

Again, I encourage you to have no relationships until you work this issue out in therapy. Being alone is better than being abandoned again and again.



Saturday, January 11, 2014

Woman Who Can't Let Go of Ex.

Dear Dr. Love,


I was recently involved in a brief relationship. The relationship was trouble to begin with but I continued seeing the guy. He treated me horribly, but I put up with him. Finally we broke up technically I dumped him, but emotionally he dumped me. I know he meant a lot more to me than I did to him. I'll probably never see him again, but I'm having trouble letting go. I can't stop thinking about him. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm over him, but I'm only fooling myself. How can I let go and move on with my life?


Whenever we can't let go of an ex. , (or whenever emotions nag at us for days on end) we are dealing with unfinished childhood business. In your case, it sounds like you were abused as a kid, and your mind has drawn you to an abuser in an attempt to heal the old wound. You may think, how can being abused once again heal me? It can't. But, our minds, left to their own devices, only know one way to try to heal us. To recreate the abuses of childhood and engage us in the futile process of attempting to make the abuser change and finally love and appreciate us.

And, here's why it's hard to give up an abuser. There is such a burning hope to make this old wound right, that the mind is actually addicted to hanging on to that abuser in the hope that one day he will treat you better. Giving up the abuser, then, becomes a terrible torture and feels like giving up the hope of ever healing the original wound.

The only way around this type of problem is to go into individual or group therapy were you will develop new, non abusive relationships. At the same time, recognize that until this problem is healed in therapy, you will be drawn to abusers and find it hard to give them up. When you experience better, loving treatment in therapy, you will heal and you will develop a model for the kind of relationship you deserve in your life. Until  work this out, it is safer to give outside relationships a rest. 

Dr. Jamie Turndorf( aka Dr. Love)

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