Today I am going to share with you another letter I received at my Ask Dr Love Advice Column.
Five days ago, my ex broke up with me and confessed to
cheating on me with another girl. She thinks she could could be lesbian and wants time alone to figure it out. She said that we might be able to work it out. It was so sudden, it left me in shock and heart broken. Iv always put her first and did my best to make her happy. I love her. She says she still loves me. But i kinda feel like she is playing games, just to keep me there.
Honesty I don't what to do or how to feel. Its a conflict inside. Should i wait and hope we can work it out? Or walk away and prevent further heartbreak from her? I love her so much, but I don't want to feel this pain anymore.
Signed by:
emotional damage
I’m so sorry to hear what you’re being put through.
I noticed that you didn’t say that you felt her foray into lesbian territory is driven by a genuine need to determine if she’s bi-sexual or not.
On the contrary, you said that you feel like she’s playing games with you. Are you saying that she’s pretending to be gay, just to have the fun of playing the field? Or are you saying that she’s playing games to get you jealous? To build up her ego?
How you feel about her actions is significant. If you feel like you’re being played, you’re being played.
By the way, Freud said that all humans are bi-sexual by nature. This means we can naturally swing either way. Once we form a monogamous relationship, we choose to commit to that person and close the doors to other options. That doesn’t mean that you don’t continue to feel attractions to others, both male and female. You just choose to not act on these attractions so as to not rupture your relationship.
What she’s doing is not considerate of you. She’s gratifying her wishes to screw around. The net effect is a giant screw you.
The bottom line is this: she doesn’t get to play around on you. Since you said you don’t want to feel the pain any more, you’re going to need to step away from her.
You can tell her that she can play around all she wants, but she can’t have you at the same time. When she figures out what she wants, she can contact you. If you’re single, you can see how you feel about giving her another shot. I would be very, very wary of trusting her again.
I’m so sorry that you’ve been hurt like this.
Promise me that you won’t allow her actions to cause you to doubt your manhood.
Research shows that the majority of women who become lesbians do so because of having been sexually molested in the past.
Please keep in touch and let me know how you’re doing.
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