Anger and Alcohol

Dear Dr. Love:

Why does alcohol make SOME people ANGRY? Is is true that alcohol brings out your TRUE feelings?

Anger and Alcohol

Answer: 

You asked, 'Does alcohol make some people angry?' Alcohol is a Central Nervous System Depressant, which means that it lowers many brain functions. One of the brain functions which is diminished is repression. Repression is an unconscious mechanism in which the mind cuts off thoughts and feelings that are unacceptable to the self.

Everyone represses intolerable feelings, but, obviously, what is intolerable for one may be fine for another. Some people may repress angry feelings and accept sexual feelings, and for others the opposite may be true. The point is, whatever feelings or thoughts are repressed are suddenly made available when alcohol is consumed. So, in answer to your question, yes, alcohol, by lowering repression, will bring out buried feelings of anger. But, the same is true, as I said already, about sexual feelings. I am sure that you have seen horny drunks who are happy to hump bar stools.

The more a person owns his feelings during sober moments, the less likely is it that the feelings will pop out when under the influence of alcohol.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf ( aka Dr. Love)

Love Quote for Friday!

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” 

― Dr. Seuss

Why My Head and Heart Do Not Match

Dear Dr. Love,

I briefly became involved with a married man. Before we were involved, he told me that he was leaving his (pregnant) wife. He also pursued me like there was no tomorrow.

I became convinced, finally, that it was safe to proceed. But soon, I noticed some confusing messages from him about leaving his marriage, and as a result, I ended our relationship immediately.

While I know I did the right thing to take care of myself, why does it feel so bad? It's like I have an argument going on inside my head all the time about this.

And, unbelievably, he feels that I used him and I even feel guilty about that! Just curious why my head and heart do not match.

Thanks Doc.

Signed by: 

curious

Answer: 

If I understand your question, you are experiencing an internal conflict. Conflict arises when different parts of the self are at war with each other.

To help you understand what's going on, I'd like you to imagine your brain or psyche as a three-part puzzle. One part of your psyche is the emotional or id part. This part of the psyche is only interested in gratification, in satisfying urges and going after immediate gratification. This part of your psyche wanted to stay with this man and obtain pleasure through the connection.

The second part of your psyche is your superego or conscience. This part of your brain is berating you with guilt over your having dropped him. The third part of your psyche is your ego or rational self. Your decision to break up with this man was an ego driven decision and based upon a clear decision to take care of yourself and do what's best for you. Just so you know, all decisions should come from the ego, as opposed to the id or superego.

So, pat yourself on the back for having made a healthy choice for yourself. Also, realize that no matter how healthy your choice is this by no means cancels out the thoughts and feelings that emanate from the other parts of your psyche. Your id screams, 'what about me?' and your superego shouts, 'you were wrong to drop him. '

Accepting the fact that we humans are not of one 'mind' and knowing that the various parts of ourselves rarely line up should be a comfort to you. Accept your torn feelings. They are normal.

There is one thing that does concern me, however and that is how harsh your conscience seems to be. It's one thing for the selfish id to throw a tantrum when it isn't gratified--that 's to be expected--but it's quite another thing to berate yourself.

You would be wise to figure out why your conscience is so harsh. Yes, I know that this man is laying a guilt trip on you, but he can't send you on any trip unless you're willing to pack your own bags and go along for the ride.

So, find out why you're so hard on yourself. Was your mom or dad hard on you? Were they hard on themselves and did you incorporate their own traits? Is your self-attack the result of misdirected anger?

Understanding where your self-attack comes from is the first step to softening this overly harsh part of your psyche.

Dr. Jamie Turmdorf (aka Dr. Love)

If You Missed the Last Show

Confessions of a Gigolo with Vin Armani, star of Showtime’s Gigolos

Could America’s top gigolo teach you a thing or two about seduction?

Well, tune in and find out!

I talked with Vin Armani, internationally known elite male companion for women and star of the Showtime show, Gigolos. His years of experience, both professional and otherwise in the art of seduction have given him a deep understanding of the applied principles of human socio-sexuality. Through his experience as an elite male companion, Armani has developed a unique approach to developing a genuine and positive connection with clients.

Author of the book Tao of The Gigolo, Armani has established unique views on love, relationships, romance, and sexuality. His philosophy and passion for delivering exceptional experiences brought him to establish Companion Concierge.

Join me to learn about the art of seduction secrets from a seduction master!

  Listen on Blog Talk Radio!

How to Not Get Taken on a Guilt Trip

       Ask Dr Love Radio Show

Tuesday, April 22nd, 12 pm noon (EST) live on Google Hangouts and YouTube

Most of us like to travel, but I don’t know anyone who enjoys being taken on a guilt trip!

Last week, I posted an article on Psychology Today in which I discussed how to not get taken on a guilt trip.

The editors loved the article and featured one of my quotes: “Nobody can take you a guilt trip if you aren’t willing to pack your bags and take the ride.”

Within 24 hours, the article had 4.8K LIKES!

Seeing all the interest in this topic, I knew I had to devote an entire show to the issue.

 

So, join me this Tuesday when I will dissect the anatomy of guilt tripping.

We’ll discuss the many reasons why people lay them, including buried anger, a lack of communication skills and an inability to directly state one’s needs, which can result in the manipulation of others.

We will also be looking at why some people are more willing than others to be taken for a ride. These reasons include having been blamed or abused as a child, having a guilty conscience and feeling deserving of blame, and much more.

Lastly, we’ll be talking about what victims of the trips do, without knowing it, to reward the guilt tripper, which only encourages more of the same.

And, most importantly, I’ll be showing how to put a stop to the trips.

Tune in for what is sure to be a very eye opening and liberating show.

Fridays' Love Quote

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” 

― Friedrich Nietzsche

Insecure With Good Reason

Dear Dr. Love,

I live with my boyfriend. He is in Sales. Which means he is a busy man. He got relocated for work and we both had to move to a state that we were not happy with. Things were fine for a while but each of us carried a lot of stress because of both work and changes in living, money.

It has been a couple of months and he has decided to start staying overnight. (He never did before as OFTEN). He never tells me where he is going what he is doing etc. . . Last Night he left for the night (on business) well number 1: he calls at midnight. number 2: I try to page him right after we hang up and he doesn't call back. number 3: I wake up in the morning and try it again. . . . . . . . no response. Now, he always has his pager on him. And don't you think he should tell me what hotel etc. . . ???? I mean what if I was in trouble.

I guess what I 'm worried about is: is he cheating on me??? Please help me it's effecting me day & day. Am I being insecure??? He comes home tonight: what should I do?? I really love this man. Thanks.

Answer: 

You have every reason to worry. Your boyfriend's behavior is suspicious. You need to ask him straight out if he is seeing other women. And, if he says, 'no, 'I wouldn't be so quick to believe him since you suspect that he lies.

Next, you need to find out why you are drawn to a lover who leaves you feeling this insecure. I suspect that in your early life, a mom or a dad abandoned you or you watched one of your parents being abandoned over and over. In either case, you got the message that being in love means trembling in fear of abandonment. It feels to me like some unfinished business is playing out here. You need to find out what this is. Unless you do, this boyfriend will always leave you standing by the phone.

And, if you end this relationship, you will find another boyfriend who leaves you feeling just as insecure. So, for your own sake, figure out what part of your childhood is being replayed here. When you figure it out, let me know and we can move to the next step in your healing. Keep in touch with me and let me know what you have discovered.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf(aka Dr. Love)