Critical Questions To Ask Before You Get Too Close

Do you have a hard time judging a person’s character?

Do you find yourself feeling fooled by people who seemed to be one thing and turned out to be another?

Finding Mr. or Ms. Right or your “Soul Mate” is a two-stage process.  First you have to know who is right for you, which you can achieve by using my free Create-A-Mate guide. But then, you have to find someone who fits the profile you’ve created. When answering your Create-A-Mate questions, you know whether or not you’re being honest and true to yourself and what you truly seek in a mate. But when dealing with another person, you’re confronted with a lot of “fronts,” or walls, blocks and defenses. This means that you’re meeting a person who is on stage performing the role of his/her ideal self. So, you’re only seeing the public face, not the real person behind the mask.

Sadly, people often turn out to anything but who you thought they were. While there is a social necessity for putting on one’s best face, when it comes to choosing a mate, you have to be able to cut through the facade and see beneath the mask. This is easier said than done!

For one thing, every human being has character defenses that formed in childhood and are largely unconscious. This means that most people aren’t even aware that they are hiding behind them!

On top of this, millions of people are sociopaths who make a career out of lying to others. The sociopath’s entire “mo” is to pretend to be someone that he or she is not in order to scam others out of their hearts and homes.

In addition, countless masses of people suffer under self-esteems that are low. These people falsely inflate themselves in order to build themselves up.

Why don’t we see through to the deeper truth? On the most superficial level, many of us choose to see the best in others and give them the benefit of the doubt. But there’s more. Many people are blinded to others’ flaws because their own self-esteems are too low. If we don’t feel worthy of love, then our energy isn’t focused on truly studying the other person because we’re too busy worrying that we won’t be liked and trying to put our own best forward.

If, for whatever reason, we feel emotionally hungry, needy and/or afraid of being alone, we see a relationship as a lifeline. In which case, our energy is spent trying to get hitched to someone, even to the point of pretending to be who someone else wants us to be, rather than focusing on “interviewing” the other to make sure he/she is right.

Last but not least, most people are simply in the dark when it comes to knowing what are the right questions to ask ourselves to determine who is the right kind of partner for us, and second, we don’t know the right questions to ask of prospective partners.

Knowledge is power. When you know the right questions to ask, you'll be empowered to steer clear of people who may be right for someone else but not right for you.

Your goal is to discover how much you have in common with your potential partner. What are you looking for are similarities in financial, sexual, religious, familial and political values, expectations, tastes and preferences.

You will also be looking for similar interests and hobbies, personality traits, emotional communication styles, intimacy needs, problems solving methods, and much more.

Here are the steps you’ll want to take:

Get my Critical Questions To Ask Before You Get Too Close guide and keep rereading the questions until they are very familiar. Now obviously, I don’t want you to grill your intended--he or she is not a steak. So, I don’t suggest serving up a copy of this test between dinner and dessert. However, keeping these questions in the back of your mind while you get to know someone, and then gently and gradually working them into your discussions is just what the doctor ordered. As with the questions I ask YOU in the Create-A-Mate system, what matters most when you’re evaluating potential partners is that you ask the right questions.

I even suggest starting a journal on paper or digitally (word processor, text file, etc.), and writing down your answers to these questions. This will ensure that you’re taking this seriously and being as thorough as possible and not fooling yourself or missing anything.
 

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