Are you on the verge of despair over your sagging sex life?
Even if your sex life is more like a wet blanket, don't give up hope! Read on to discover my appetite-whetting recipe for romance. And fasten your seat belts (and unfasten your chastity belts) because my ten tips are guaranteed to resurrect the sexual dead!
ONE: Love is Blind
When it comes to sex, here is the one case in which you may want to put on those blinders! Sexual pleasure has many dimensions, but the most important sexual organ we have is between our ears—meaning our brain. When one sense is hindered, our other senses -- via the brain -- clamor to compensate. For example, a deaf person has increased sensory awareness -- sight, smell, touch, and vibrations. You don’t have to be deaf or blind to tap into this innate ability of ours and use it to your advantage: Blindfolding your partner increases his/her sensory awareness because he doesn’t know where you are or what you are going to do next. This creates anticipation for better sex -- the tease. Tease your partner mercilessly with sensory objects, such as a feather or your tongue. Start off softly, as this excites nerve endings and makes them far more sensitive. Be careful not to over-stimulate the nerve endings, however, because after a while the neurons stop firing with such intensity and the sensation becomes null and void.
TWO: Give Your Partner a Sex Ed Class
After a while you may think you know how to please your partner in every way, but this is very rarely true. There is always something you haven’t tried, and there is bound to be something one of you always does that could be done differently. If you want to be turned on, leave no sexual stone unturned!
For better sex, have a lesson session in which you don’t think you know it all. Instead, allow yourselves to be at each other's mercy as teacher. Talk about things you haven’t tried, but would like to, then choose one suggestion from each partner, and get down tonight! Don’t lull yourself into thinking that you know what your partner likes, and fall into old habits. Lose this myth and put yourself in the student's chair for a while for better sex you won't regret.
THREE: Get Touchy
Sensual touch and massage is one of the most highly relaxing and sexy things you can do for your partner, which is why I include this in my 10 tips for better sex list. Our bodies are almost without exception tense in some area, if not many areas. This hinders our energy flow -- including sexual energy flow. Imagine a car that has a clogged fuel filter: the fuel (our energy) can’t get to where it needs to go quickly and smoothly, and the car performs inefficiently and ineffectively. Think of a massage as your body’s overhaul creating much better sex overall!
A relaxing sensual massage can unlock the body, creating some very intense orgasms and much better sex. The ability to relax your partner in this way should be high on your list of skills to master. The difference between a deeply relaxing massage and a sensual massage is in the manner of touch -- you don’t want to relax your partner too deeply because you will put him/her into a dead sleep. Raising the dead is what we’re after here, not the other way around.
The key to better sex in this case is to keep the senses alert, but the body relaxed. This means a firm touch, coupled with some sensory feather-light caresses. Once you've relaxed the major muscles -- shoulders and back -- work your way down to the buttocks. Strokes can then start to wander near but not on the genitals. Focus on the inner arms, armpits, inside of the legs and thighs and ear lobes. Don’t forget hands and feet -- there are thousands of nerve endings in our hands and feet that are very sensitive to touch. If you have no idea what a good massage feels like or how to perform one, spend some time in "lesson time" with your partner and learn what you both like or just run your hands all over each other’s bodies -- all over. Don’t rush to put the hot spots on the front burner or you’ll ruin the recipe.
FOUR: Dress for Success
Pretending to be something you're not comes easily to some people, and it can have benefits when done for fun. Stepping out of the role of being "yourself" can be a fun way to give each other permission to behave differently for better sex. Playing the role of someone else during sexual play is a very enjoyable way to give your partner some different sensations, and try things that you haven’t done before. Role playing is a great way to have better sex and to have fun with your partner in a light-hearted but sexy way. It is often the woman who does the dressing up simply because A) They enjoy it; and B) They have the resources of clothes, underwear and makeup – but, guys, don't forget that you can play too.
FIVE: Take a Trip to Fantasy Island
Talking about your fantasies with your partner is a very conducive form of sex play. It increases communication with your partner, which is of great importance. The more you know each other, the better the sex. Yes, you may be surprised by what comes out of your mouths. So keep it light at first and don’t throw each other into the deep end with fantasies about people you both know or reveal fetishes you aren't sure about. Sit back with a glass of wine and keep your clothes on -- for now. Fantasy play can also be incorporated into a game for better sex. Use your imagination, and keep it sexy. Take it in turns and see where it leads you.
SIX: Lay Your Cards on the Table
Get a pack of cards and play strip poker for better sex. It may seem like something you would have done when you were in high school (given the opportunity), but adult strip poker is a good way to get naked. Once you are both naked (or nearly naked), you can start on the really fun part--the winner gets to choose what action will be performed on him/her by the loser. Time limits like one minute on said action means that it is a prolonged game of seduction, which by the end will have you both clamoring to be both the winner and the loser. There are many other games you can play "strip" to, as long as there is a regular winner and loser to reward and punish respectively. The great part about these games is that you can both ask the other person to do something in a certain way that you may not necessarily have ever done before. It can get rather racy, and definitely lead to better sex in the end.
SEVEN: Talk Dirty
I actually object to the term talking dirty, since there’s nothing dirty about sex. But, since everyone knows what this means, I have to bow to the convention. Talking dirty has turned people on for millennia and will continue to do so because it has something other sex play doesn’t: words. Because our brains are our largest sexual apparatus, we respond to the spoken word automatically -- especially when someone says our name. The spoken word evokes emotions and sensations, as well as blood flow to various regions, depending on the topic.
This works very much in your favor when it comes to talking dirty to your lover because women are especially susceptible to what goes in their ears (and I don’t mean cotton buds or ear candles). Talking dirty is truly an art form. But brush up on your skills because bad technique will make you giggle rather than moan!
For better sex, start off easy with neutral topics such as how it feels to be inside her or have him inside you, how much you are enjoying the act and what you would like to do to each other next. Don’t get too carried away, but let the words flow out of you. Dirty talk can be a bit daunting at first, if you are not used to verbalizing these things, so practice. You will see how your partner responds to you. Dirty talk also comes under the "encouragement" category -- when your partner sees that you like something very much, he/she will be more interested in doing it more. The rawness of the sexual passion aroused with dirty talk is why it is so effective. A word to the wise, be careful with swearing too much -- though a good dose of foul language is part and parcel with dirty talk, too much swearing/name calling can be a turn off. Try to stick to positive words, and leave the commonly used insult words out. Guys, watch what you call her body parts too, making sure she can handle it before launching into your tirade of filth. Chances are, the passion from you will ignite hers two-fold.
EIGHT: Try a New Position
You probably already know how to bring your partner to orgasm in two ways. You repeat these regularly because they work -- there's no harm in that. However, if you never, ever try any new positions again, how will you ever know if you’re missing an even better angle? Guys, new positions need a reasonably high level of arousal in your lover, so choose your time to strike a new pose when she is quite obviously feeling very randy.
There is no limit to the number of ways to have sex, so you can use your imagination and come up with as many weird and wonderful inventions as you desire. Simply changing locations can dramatically change the position. For example, on top of the washing machine, on a bench, beanbag or table.
NINE: Give Her a Ring
By give her a ring, I’m not referring to jewelry—although that can definitely get the juices flowing! In this context, I’m talking about cock rings, which slow the drainage of blood from the penis, enabling a man to maintain a harder erection for longer. A very hard penis stimulates a woman’s vagina better than one that is getting soft around the edges. Cock rings are inexpensive and usually nice to look at, and make an interesting male sex toy to add to the collection. Cock rings ensure that a man can maintain the pace without faltering for better sex. This is very pleasing to your partner.
If you're interested in more about the variety of sex toys available for women, check out my article "Five Sex Toys That Get The Job Done."
TEN: Take Your Show on the Road
Sex in a new locale is definitely up there in exciting things to do for better sex. You can take a drive somewhere secluded where you can get a bit risqué. Try a public place (not too public) or simply move to a different room or area in your home -- or even someone else’s home. Choose locales that tickle your fancy. There are a million and one different places to have sex other than your home and in your bed. So use them.
Believe me. The time and energy required to plan your adventures will not only pay off immediately, but will also continue to bear fruit for the long term. Remember, your sexpertise is in your own hands.
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