Hello, I'm writing here because I need some advice whether I should ask my boyfriend to marry me or not. I've been dating this guy for 18 months now.When we started this relationship, we just knew that we wanted a "serious thing" but we wanted to take it slow. Around 6 months ago, I asked him about our goals (where we were going etc) and he said, "I can't promise you anything. I'm just confused..." BUT we didn't break up.
The last 6 months, I've been trying to be a better girlfriend. I just turned 27 and I thought this age is a perfect age to get married - and considering he's much much much older than me, I think he's supposed to think about it too, right? I'm not challenging or pushing him, but it's just kinda an FYI. He has to realized that relationship is about 2 people not only him.
So my real questions are:
- Is it okay to tell a guy (our boyfriend) that we want to get married (of course with him)?
- Will that question hurt his ego?
- If a women cannot tell a guy to marry him, what should we do to give him a sign that we're ready to move a step ahead?
Thank you in advance.
I Want To Tell Him That I Want To Get Married!
Instead of focusing on what you want, and how to find a way of telling him what to do, which will only get his back up and create more resistance, we need to take an entirely different tack.
That tack is to understand the thoughts and feelings that are behind his cold feet. Something isn’t working for him, otherwise he’d be asking you.
So I suggest that you ask him how you’re doing as his girlfriend. Focus on understanding him.
The beauty of this approach is multi-fold. For one thing, it shows him what a responsive partner you are, which will only help him feel closer to you. For another, you are showing that you can put him first. Your asking this question shows that his happiness is utmost in your mind and heart. And it should be.
Keep in mind that behavior is a communication. Most people don’t know how to put their thoughts and feelings into words. So, their behavior gets expressed in actions. The problem with actions is you can’t do anything constructive with them. Worse, actions can be emotionally upsetting for the receiver of these actions. In this case, his inaction is an action.
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