Husband is married to his mother

Dear Dr. Love:

I am married to a man whose mother has almost no life outside of him. She is totally devoted to him to the exclusion of just about everything -- work, hobbies, friends. Plus, she turns to him for advice on everything from programming the VCR to complex legal transactions. He is an only child whose father left before he was born.

Meanwhile, I have felt more and more encroached upon.He has always defended her actions and now I 'm told that things which transpire between the two of them are none of my business. I have often wished she would go get a life and have made several suggestions.

 Lately, have been considering leaving my husband. Where can I find information or help so I make the appropriate decision?

Signed by: 

Considering Leaving my Husband

Answer: 

You are in a tough situation. It actually feels like your husband is married to his mother and you are the other woman! You beg for his time and attention, but the mistress never has the bargaining power of a wife. Many mothers demand too much of their son's time and attention, but not every husband takes the bait. It is your husband who has the problem.

 You have to take matters in your own hands. First thing, stop nagging him. The more you try to pull him away from her, the angrier he becomes and the more you solidify the bond between them. You have only one solution at this point: Reverse psychology (you know if you can't beat 'em join 'em). Encourage him to spend even more time with his mother and whenever he wants to be with you, you are too busy, have other plans. Let him miss you instead and chase you instead of the other way around. Let him realize what he's missing. Often this type of approach will break the power struggle you are in.

If reverse psychology doesn't get the problem under control, you need to seriously consider if this man can ever give you what you need.

For additional information check out my book   Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First): A Step-by-Step Guide for Resolving Relationship Conflict

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