He's Turning You into His Sex Slave

I have a question that I would like your opinion on. My husband has been constantly on my back about the way he wants to have sex.I have to let him fall asleep first, wake him up by performing fellatio on him after our son falls asleep. Lately he will not have sex if I don't do this. Now he requests that I shower and shave right before I wake him. Not that morning, right before. I do have a low sex drive and I take responsibility for that, but these constant 'requests' are getting to me. It is not just once in a while, it is every time. I believe it is a power issue, he says, as his wife I should agree to these 'requests' willingly because 'any other women would do that for her man'. I work a full time job and to be honest around 10:00 at night, I don't feel like going through this routine every time we have sex. We have been together 11+ years. What do you think?

Signed by: 

Tired of being his sex slave

Answer: 

Man, not only do you have to work a full-time job, but then you are expected to give him daily blow-jobs! on your off time--to get him off! Your husband is putting a gun to your head. As you said, he isn't making a request, he is commanding and controlling you. There is something degrading and hostile about his behavior. He's not treating you like a person. On the contrary, he's reducing you to a whore, an object who's only purpose is to serve him.

You say it's a power issue. By this I assume you mean that he is trying to exert his power over you by proving that he can make you submit to his will. This is true! I hope you know that the way he is attempting to control you is terribly hostile. He has to be seething with rage toward you and all women, and, of course, his mother.That's the only feeling that would explain such angry behavior. 

Tell him that he is treating you like an object and ask him if that's how he wants you to feel. I also want him to reflect on why all this is happening now. I am so distressed by what you've said and I'm not confident that the two of you are going to be able to break this impasse without help.

Obviously, your carrying his bad feelings isn't going to heal his wound. . . . and it will ruin the marriage. You're in a very tough spot. He is getting a lot of pleasure out of controlling you and he isn't going to want to give this up. If you continue to give in to him, he'll just feel more and more gratified as you feel more and more controlled and degraded. He isn't going to stop this. Only you can put your foot down. Tell him that he needs to go to couples therapy with you.

Sign Up Now>> For Ask Dr Loves weekly Newsletter